So to recap: ‘we’ have the biggest boat on the entire canal system. Because its built for Thames living, not Milton Keynes canal-ing. But we don’t mind that because narrow boaters, or even not so narrow boaters, are a ‘community’. And they’re welcoming and friendly and, well, nice. Sit on my little narrow deck and have a little narrow cup of tea, because wide cups won’t fit, they say. Then they find out that your boat lacks sufficient narrowness to be a true part of the community. You are, quite literally, a London wide-boy.

So Mel & I visited, which is like being press-ganged. “Loosen those ropes-grab that pole-untie the main-brace… do something else boatey, and quick!!!” The instructions/orders come thick and fast. Because in the four hours we were on board, we sailed about 5 miles. And that’s a good day. We also hit about 6 other boats. Or were hit by them. Most don’t have residents so… fuck ‘em. No damage is generally done anyway, boats have bumpers all the way round. But others get a bit pissed off and rightly so.

As you narrowly miss a narrow boat coming the other way, some disgruntled git mumbles about “… too big for the canal…” which is probably true. But as driving it down the M1 is not a real option, how the hell ya supposed to get it to London??? But the comments are all a little tinged with jealousy. Because narrow boaters all spend their days standing sideways, in case someone wants to pass you to put the kettle on or take a pee. On ‘our’ boat, we stand square on! Because we have loads of room. Acres.

Driving the boat, as I did because I just had to, was… different. You have to think where you want to be in about 10 minutes time and start getting ready. Ah, there’s a boat, want to avoid that (ya win some ya lose some) so you start steering then, 5 minutes before arrival so the boat can do its slow, leisurely drift into something like the right direction by the time you get there. Then you have to compensate for daring to move the rudder in that manner otherwise you’ll oversteer and so you may miss with the front of the boat but 22 minutes and 22 metres later as the rear swings by there may be a problem.

A day on a boat is definitely the most relaxing way you can ever totally stress out. It’s beautiful, peaceful (you forget the noise of a 4 litre Diesel engine after a while) and serene. But if you look away for one second, it is fatal. Pour your martinis before taking the wheel.

Happy Sailing

A xxxx