When is a party not a party?

When Boris Johnson is there. Simple. As soon as he arrives, amid the boozing, feasting, snogging, groping, dancing, human pyramids, orgies, spirits being poured down the throats of Special Parliamentary Advisors, tied to chairs, the party is suddenly, amid all the mayhem, NO LONGER A PARTY. Even though all that shit is still going on. Boris is the diametric opposite of John Belushi in Animal House. And that makes perfect sense.

To Boris.

Because Boris, as Gary Lineker, of all unworthy people, pointed out in his latest foray into the world outside of football, creates his own fantasy world of innocence. If he thinks something is so, it is so. End of.

But the inquiry today is not about whether he went to and organised parties, which he obviously did and has been fined by the police for doing so, its about whether he intentionally misled parliament. Oooooh, IN-TEN-SHEN-ALLY. Big word with big consequences. Because inadvertently is forgivable, intentional is very naughty.

The reality is that I don’t care. Find him guilty, suspend him from parliament, force him out of his seat, none of it will harm his ‘main career’ as a public speaker, which has earned him nearly 3 million quid in the last year, with his writing work. Whatever happens only adds to ‘the legend’. If he’s officially a ‘bad boy’ then even more people will want to hear him speak. It all gives him kudos and encourages him to keep fictionalising his reality, bless him.

Antonio Conte is leaving Spurs. No announcement yet but his ‘position’ is way more untenable than Boris’s. They’re apparently just ‘working out his compensation’. Whereas I would be working out how to dispose of the body. Because when any manager repeatedly states ‘it was not my fault’, then you know one thing for sure: It was all his fault. Vying with Boris for ‘tosser of the week’, though I think we can give the award to our ex-PM and find a more appropriate word for Mr Conte. Let me take inspiration from his name and think…

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx