So the original ‘Board of Peace’ was going to be me, Donald Trump, Rubio, Tony Blair and one or two ‘make weights’, just because we over-ordered chairs. Then Donald invited Vladimir Putin to join. They don’t do irony in America, obviously and famously, otherwise we’d all be in hysterics over having the greatest war-monger on the planet joining a board of ‘peace’. Whilst he’s still directing the missiles over Ukraine.

And our brief was simple: sort out Gaza. Easy peasy. Just disarm Hamas, rebuild an entire little territory in which 2 million people are currently homeless, lose the jihadi mentality of the whole population and educate them about anti-semitism, eliminating all traces of the evils of Iranian-backed terrorism and the toxic education by the UN, of all fucking people.

That’s all.

But now, Don called me because he wants to expand it. In his truly rousing speech yesterday (I never knew he invented the wheel! Stopped 14 wars in 3 weeks! Removed the threats on Greenland and the tariffs in 7 days!!! Even though they were his ideas originally. He made the first ever push-up bra! Cured cancer!! Built Israel’s Iron Dome with his own hands!!!) he intents to increase both the remit of the ‘Board’ and also its constituent members. To include a whole host of ‘lovelies’ including Argentinians, Saudis, Qataris, Viktor Orban of Hungary (a man of similar views to DJT but less devotion to normal ideas of ‘democracy’), Israel’s in, as it has to be and then he even scraped the international barrel by inviting Kier Starmer.

But Kier is now torn. He’s always fucking ‘torn’. Which is why all the time he’s not actually sitting on a fence, he’s performing u-turns. And now he has to decide whether to sit on this ‘board’ with Vlad-the-Bad. So here’s our Prime Minister, a man obsessed with ‘diplomacy’ (rather than ‘action’), who always wants to ‘talk’. And here is the golden opportunity to actually speak to Putin, to have ‘talks’ with the man and possibly try to either dissuade him or at least understand him better. But no. Kier has his pride and his values (and a fair dose of stupidity) so doesn’t wish to ‘share the platform’ with Pute. What a tosser.

Basically, world peace comes down to Don (who’s name MUST always come first or he throws a wobbly and soils his nappy), Tony, Vlad and me.

I’ll keep you posted.

Happy Thursday. Or ‘World Peace Day’ as it will soon be known.

A xxxx