So we’re all living in dread and anticipation of ‘the second wave!!!’ When the virus will return. And they’re working on it already. Obviously. They were actually working on the second wave before the first one arrived. But the advice now is unambiguous. Ok, let me rephrase that because the word ‘unambiguous’ has been officially deleted from the ‘government advice lexicon’ for the duration of this pandemic.

Lose weight before the second wave. Those are the words of England’s deputy chief medical advisor. Known as ‘Tubby’. She’s said we need fitness and lack of fatness to fight the next round.

Something our Chancellor, Rishi Sunak (skinny bastard) has taken on board by reducing the price of a Big Mac to £1.36. Holy shit!!! I’ve had three for breakfast today.

Because the great restaurant revival plan is that the government will pay half our restaurant bills!! Only ‘eat in’, obviously, not booze, sadly, and only up to a tenner per person, tragically. They’ve also dropped vat on such food by 5%.

The effect of this is two-fold. Speaking as a pig. Firstly it will encourage me to eat twice as much. Because the second bit is ‘free’. Secondly, it only has an effect on cheaper eateries. Ten pounds won’t get you a plate of olives to nibble whilst waiting for your starter at Le Caprice. Your 85 quid steak at Hawksmoor won’t taste any better for being a tenner cheaper.

But Nandos? McDonalds? And most importantly, that all-time British standard: curry. All reduced to the point where you simply have to order just one more aloo gobi, a cheeseburger on the side, the garlic bread starter.

All the cheapo, comfort foody, high fat/salt/sugar places will be there, encouraging us to loose weight by giving us ten pounds (cash, alas not weight) of extra food. Pig out on the government.

And just a brief word about David Silva. Manchester City’s ‘old’ midfield player. One of those few who grace our league. Who bring genuine artistry and majesty to our game. I watched him last night and, to be honest, its hard for any player to look even half decent when Kevin de Bruyne is on the pitch, but little David, with a smile on his face, as always (except when he’s grimacing, obvs) was magnificent. Other than that, I have no interest in football in any significant manner.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx