Manchester United have made their worst start to a football season since 1989!!!! Oh. My. God. That’s awful!! How could the Gods of football conspire in such a brutal, hard, cold way as to take away their divine right to success? How is it that the ‘biggest club in the world’ should suffer the tragic indignity of being 6th in the league after 13 games??? A single point gained at home yesterday against shitty, under-performing bottom feeders, West Ham. Its just NOT GOOD ENOUGH. It wasn’t good enough under David Moyes, wasn’t good enough under Luis Van Gaal and its certainly not good enough under Jose Morinho. Though because Jose is such a calm, considered, philosophical kind of tactician, he only received his second red card in the last month. Better than the start of his Chelsea campaign last season.

But we expect 2 good years our of Jose. Its almost biblical. And ye shall reap the harvest of 2 good years before the field goes fallow, the shit hits the fan, the team Doctor gets humiliated, the water bottles go flying, as it is written, Amen. Did it at Chelsea, twice, did it at Real, did it at Inter. Yet at Old Trafford he’s struggling like a muthaf-, like a poor Portuguese fisherman with a hole in his net.

Manchester United are soooooo big that Hollywood superstars come and see them. And Julia Roberts too. Ok, she hasn’t done much since Erin Brokovich, hasn’t looked good since Pretty Woman, but she’s fucking royalty of the A-list variety. And growing up in Wicheta, or Alberquerque or Sioux Falls, you can just imagine teeny Julia telling the good ole boys when they turned up in their red Chevy pick-ups that their daddy’s need back on the farm baaaah 7, that she didn’t want to go watch the Cougars play Baseball, or the Panthers play basketball, or the Zebras play gridiron, she wanted to go to Manchester to watch ‘sucker’. So yesterday she was there. Livin’ the dream. In the Theatre of Dreams. And a lorra good it did the team.

And what about Sunderland? Down the bottom. Watford? Struggling. Bournemouth? Just happy to still be in the top flight. They’re not hurling water bottles at the 4th official because they’re ‘only 19th’.

Never mind. As we say at Spurs, (every fucking year, after year, after year…); there’s always next season.

Happy Monday.

A xxxx