I overheard a conversation the other day. It was about Jesus. Two people in the pub were saying that Jesus was Jewish!!! Can you believe that??? I mean, “Jesus CHRIST”? The name kind’a gives it away, right? And everyone knows that in fact the Jews killed Jesus. Then ate him. It’s in the bible. Well, it’s in a book a bloke in church gave me. Which also told me how Jesus died to save me.

So I’ve reported these terrible, ignorant, offensive people under our wonderful government’s new ‘Workers Rights Reforms’. Even though they haven’t passed completely through parliament yet. But I’ll wait. Jesus told me ‘patience is a virtue’. Or my old RE teacher, Mrs Hangnail, did, same difference.

You simply can NOT go around upsetting my ‘philosophical beliefs’. And that’s what the new laws will protect me from. Even though I was eavesdropping, and even more that my ‘philosophical beliefs’ are moronic, illogical, pathetically infantile and stupidly fucking daft. They’re still ‘my beliefs’ and if you upset them you are in breach of the Equality and Human Rights Commission rules about precisely that.

I also have a philosophical belief that Leyton Orient are the best football team in the world. I sing it numerous times at Brisbane Road every week. And some bloke on the bus was spouting off about how brilliant Liverpool are, and if Arsenal just signed a new striker… well, any striker really as they don’t seem to have one, then they could be the sole challengers this year. Therefore, I find that so deeply offensive to my football team and my ‘philosophical beliefs’ that I’m taking legal action.

Therefore these new government measures which will protect… errrr… well, it will protect people from ever hearing anything, anywhere, which they might find offensive, upsetting, controversial, intimidating or just disagreeable, will be punishable by the full force of the law! Which might mean releasing a few more paedophiles and rapists from the prisons to make room for ‘two blokes chatting in the bar’, as that becomes a criminal offence. Along with ‘posting things online wot people might not like’, which accounts now for 42% of those now incarcerated, after they let all the murderers out to make room.

I wonder if Donald Trump will follow suit once he hears about these ‘Workers’ Rights Reforms’. Seems just the sort of thing Don and Elon would really take on board.

Happy Tuesday,

A xxxx

Today’s pic was Joey watching Spurs on Sunday. Unfortunately, he’s going to spend a lot of his life in that position.