“I’m off to a physio appointment”; “my back’s ok now so I just need a bit of physio…”

Casual sentences, banded around regularly among the creaking, aching classes, but they don’t tell the real story.

You know that wonderful bit in ‘the 40-year-old virgin’ when Steve Carrell, hirsute to the point of gorilladom, gets his body waxed. And as the first strip is yanked from him, this quiet, calm, polite, mousey man yells a string of expletives that would make ME blush. Yet its funny because it resonates. The effect of sudden, quite unexpected and brutal pain.

The word ‘physiotherapist’ comes from the Greek word ‘Physio’ meaning, probably, physical and ‘therapy’ is from the Latin ‘theror’ meaning terrorist. But when they first advertised themselves as physical terrorists the work did not exactly have their phones off the hook. Until the Spanish Inquisition arrived at which point it was a constant ‘Christmas’ for all purveyors of torture, and the ability to cause intense physical pain made the re-named physiotherapists the tech entrepreneurs of 1479.

Fast forward to 2021 and I went for my appointment yesterday. My inner masochist, who I never even realised was in there, so well surrounded by all the inner cowards and pain-averse wimps, arranged a visit because my bad shoulder has entered new realms of badness and needs improvement for when the tennis courts re-open in… errrr… well, its not just tennis. Putting a cup on a shelf in a wall cabinet should not require a 10 minute warm-up and a high dose of ibuprofen.

And my physio is wonderful. The absolute best. Sweet, charming, gorgeous and thus its so easy to lie there, all warm and comfortable (in my sodding mask) as she gently manipulates and massages my shoulder area. Ahhhhhhhh…

All done to lull the unsuspecting into a false sense of relaxation. Of preparation for the ‘real work’. When her thumb finds that knot of tissue and MUTHAAAAFUCKAAAA!!!!

Water boarding is banned by the Geneva Convention. Yet physiotherapy is still allowed.

The strange thing is, it tends to work. It improves. Relieves. Strengthens. Whitens. Sorry, that’s dentists, the next on my list of WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE ALLOWED TO HURT EVERYBODY???

In fact it was so horrible I’m going again next week. I have a history of endlessly repeating agonising and painful experiences. Being a Spurs fan has its merits.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx