… a thousand words. But in this case, David Mellor’s headline in the Mail on Sunday uses fewer than a thousand words to… errrr… to… to deconstruct our esteemed Mayor of all London Town. Some may feel this assessment a little harsh. Not me. Others may find it cruel and heartless. Not me. More than a few will think this typical of an arch-Tory, opera-loving, fat, myopic, adulterous Chelsea fan. Yeah, I suppose I do.

But, hyperbole aside, Sadiq Kahn is a complete waste of space (though granted, not much space required), time and effort. I simply can’t stand the man. He was a lawyer. And if that’s not bad enough, he was a lawyer who spoke like a bus-driver’s assistant. And still does. I’m no ‘class snob’, generally us Eastenders aren’t. And I love a dropped ‘H’ or a glottal stop on occasion as much as the next (very common) man. But Sadiq represents London. Nationally. Internationally. At conferences. Heavyweight shit. And can’t even speak proper whilst doing it. Other than that, he’s ineffectual, worthless and has spent the last year, his Covid bonus year in office, hiding. From Coronavirus, from people, from everything. Whilst Boris was out there contracting all the virus he could, Sadiq led fair and square from the back. Didn’t leave his house for 7 months. Sprayed the Ocado man with Detol. And agreed the plan with Boris (who basically fits the description of David Mellor above, in all but the ‘myopic’ bit) to hike the congestion charge in price and make it ‘24/7’. Tosser.

Well on Thursday we vote again. Finally. A year late to select our ‘new’ mayor, but as it was such a terrible year for Sadiq, safe to say it wasn’t a totally wasted 12 months. He built… let me count… three there… six on the A.417… he built NO houses at all. Knife crime is increasing. And has no worthwhile plans to ‘reflate’ London and its essential economy.

So for whom are we to vote? The obvious choice would be ANYBODY BUT HIM!!!, yet its not that simple. Because the Conservatives have found as their candidate the most lightweight choice open to them in Shaun Bailey. Almost like if they selected anyone else it would be unfair on Sadiq. There’s the Greens, but really? Dig up the Marylebone Road and plant trees there? Ban cars totally? Lawn mowers? Knock down Brent Cross and put tents there for refugees? Actually that’s not a bad idea.

We have Laurence Fox standing as the ‘offend everyone’ candidate. Various tik-tok and instagram ‘stars’ throwing in their hats on the basis that they happen to be free this Thursday. And the Lib-Dems. As always: good luck to the Lib-Dems.

I’ll either vote for the Woman’s Equality Party or the Monster Raving Loonies.

Is this really the ‘best’ London can offer? I’d stand myself but its Lila/Joey day so I’m busy.

Happy day before Election Day

A xxxx