Do you like pizza? The ‘strict’ answer is ‘of course not, bodies a temple, blah, blah, excessive fat, unnecessary carbs, too much salt, blah, blah, foodie-blah’. But of course the real answer is ‘FUCK YEAH!!!’ But generally when you go out to eat its a question of ‘do you want to go for a nice, decent meal, or a pizza?’ Ne’er the twain shall meet. Or in my case ne’er the twain shall meat. Cos I love pepperoni pizza. With chillies. Otherwise I won’t eat them. That’s what I like. Well, love really. Me and Homer Simpson.

The pizza was ‘invented’, unsurprisingly in Italy, actually in Naples, specifically at L’Antica Pizzeria da Michele. Sounds like an Argentinian midfielder but its not. Its a restaurant. Where they brilliantly, in 1870 or whenever, basically ‘re-invented the humble sandwich’. Because if you open a sandwich up and bake it/grill it, its remarkably similar, at least in appearance, to a pizza.

So what do like in your sandwiches? Tuna? Egg mayo? Smoked Salmon? Banana and peanut butter?? Cheese and chopped liver??? Doesn’t really matter, does it? Its personal. Its ‘taste’. Same with pizzas. In nineteen seventy-something pizzas exploded. Not literally, what a fucking mess that would be. But pizzerias opened up in vast quantities and went wild with options. Pizzas with tandoori chicken, pizzas with ham and mushroom and banana and 7 different cheeses and marshmallows and guavas and wood-chips and positively anything.

And one option they offered was the ‘Hawaiian!!’. And as every foodie (or pig) knows, ‘Hawaiian’ is a euphemism for ‘added pineapple’. It was without a doubt the most evil thing any drunk, misguided, tasteless, sick chef or customer ever created or ordered. But it endured. Unaccountably. So you know what you do? You just don’t order it. Same as you do with ‘live monkey brains’ or ‘black olives’ (hate olives) or ‘the parts of a pig that even a pig wouldn’t eat’. Top to tail eating be damned, we all have limits. Or rather, we all have different tastes.

Gordon (fucking) Ramsey spoke on an American tv show how its ‘wrong’ to put pineapple on pizza. An abomination. An act against mankind. And he’s right. Its horrible. But if sufficient people think its lovely enough to keep ordering it, WHO THE FUCK IS RAMSEY TO DEPRIVE THEM OF THEIR PLEASURE. The pizza inventors in Naples piped up in agreement. But what do they know? They only make them in marguerita or cheeseless. They’d freak out at a mushroom, so a pineapple (has to be tinned) is totally beyond their lack of imaginations.

Gordon Ramsey is a cook. He’s not cooking for himself. He should cater to people’s needs and not decide, a priori, what is good, tasty, fashionable to eat when paying customers think otherwise. Its foodie fascism.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx