Her majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second is 70 years old TODAY!!!! Oh, actually she’s not, she’s well over a hundred, depending on which of the many ‘birthdays’ royals have, you choose.

Buckingham Palace is 70 years old TODAY!!! No, its much older, built when the Romans were here, which you can tell because The Mall is so such a straight road. If Christopher Wren had built it you’d only have access via a web of alleyways.

Today we’re celebrating having 70 working Royals, all gathered together. Although many (republicans) view the term ‘working Royal’ as a contradiction in terms, those ‘unworking’ ones were the most noticeable on The Balcony yesterday. No Andrew, who was seen with Johnnie Depp giving an Open University lecture entitled ‘There are many ways to abuse women; don’t miss out! And how to fight for these rights in court’. Also present (at the Palace) but turfed off The Balcony for their non-working status were Harry & Meg. Although they appeared to be working yesterday, as babysitters for the children of those ‘workers’ who had to go out and wave. As a guide for the rest of this celebratory weekend, working Royals are the ones with a chest full of medals.

Oh, so the Queen has been the Queen for 70 years TODAY!!! Or nearabouts. What was she before then? As only 15% of the population is over 70, and half of them can’t remember their own phone number (the other half can’t remember where their phone is so it doesn’t really matter) there’s very few who recall a time before Elizabeth.

The question for me is not so much about how she’s reigned so long, but why? Rather than the homely and loveable old granny she would appear to be, perhaps she’s a total control freak narcissist, refusing to relinquish any control of her domain. Even though she can hardly walk now, looked incredibly frail yesterday and is taking a pass on the St Pauls service today as a consequence. Most people don’t ‘work’ at 96. And for good reason. They’re past it. Ok, she let’s Charlie do the bits on horseback, even let him ‘open Parliament’ the other week. But he’s not that bad, surely? A bit dim, but he’s a royal; they all are.

God Bless the Queen, but it must be time, surely.

Happy Platinum Jubilee

A xxxx