Well, its all happening in the world of women. The Church of England (note: not ‘Britain’, not the ‘United Kingdom’, not effin Scotland, but the church of ENGLAND) is to ordain women bishops for the first time since records began. Well, for the first time anyway. And that is just brilliant news. Particularly for women who really want to become bishops and for… errr… hmmm…

This is good for the job market too. I don’t know how many women bishops are needed to, kind of, keep up with all the bishoply work that needs doing on a day-to-day basis, how much female praying is required, how many red-and-white frocks need to be worn in a spiritual way, but the C of E is now officially an equal opportunity employer. Or maybe God is now officially an equal opportunity employer. Their version of God anyway. Other versions may vary.

So perhaps this can be an aspiration for young girls. No longer will they devote time and energy to trying to become a Victoria’s Secrets model, or a WAG with an orange face and a yellow thong, let them become bishops. Every chess set needs one. In fact, needs four. The future is bright. The future is holy.

And yet more golden opportunities for women emerge from yet another direction as well. As David Cameron clears out his cabinet of crusty old Eton-Oxbridge white middle-class men to make room for something new, something exiting, something radical in the way of government. Which may well be yet more Eton-Oxbridge white middle-class men, but I think not. Maybe the constant feeling by the public of total dissociation from a government who bear no relation to normal people’s lives, anxieties and problems has forced D-Cam to try and appear a little more ‘man-of-the-masses’ even though he’s never had a proper job, speaks like the Queen and wouldn’t know a ‘money-worry’ if it bit him in the wallet. So perhaps its time (and 10 months before an election would certainly seem an appropriate time) to try and make government just a touch more representative of everyday Britain. Which is not the exclusive domain of former public schoolboys with trust funds.

Approximately half the population of this nation are women. Approximately. About half are men. And the discrepancy are those I’m not prepared to comment upon at this juncture. So to garner the female vote, he needs to put more women in the Cabinet. I don’t mean that in a perverse way. Though…

To properly represent the population, Cabinet should have just one upper-class twit, five women, three of them with tattoos, one complete slag and one bishop. There should be three homeless Romanian beggars, two Polish builders and five fat-bellied blokes who drive Transit vans and would normally vote UKIP on the grounds that its easier to spell than ‘conservative’. We should have several Brits of Asian descent, half a jew, or maybe one very small, kind of Woody Allen type one, and four paedophiles. Sadly, for William Hague, there’s no room left for a whining, semi-gay Yorkshireman. Sorry Bill. Even after posing around with Angelina Jolie, you’re still done and dusted. Brad Pitt you ain’t.

I’ve sent a copy of this to the Prime Minister in the hope he’ll heed my good counsel.

Happy Tuesday, unless you’ve just been sacked from the Cabinet. In which case: I’m looking for someone to cut my hedges.

A xxxx