Tonight sees the ‘final’ of the Eurovision Song Contest. What anyone older than 7 calls simply ‘The Eurovision Song Contest’. I can never recall semi-finals before. Nor quarter finals or rounds of… about 95 probably. The Contest has now been extended to a week-long extravaganza of screaming, singing really awful songs, better dancing, dressing up in silly costumes and impersonations of Agnetha when she sung ‘Waterloo’. Which never hit the spot because there is no one in Liverpool with such a great voice or fabulous bum. I’m just adorning the lounge with the flags of all the entrant’s countries and getting my wig ready for dressing up as that geezer last year who won but was not allowed victory because Ukraine was, and still is, at war with Russia. Can’t remember his name because we’ll never see or hear from him again. Which is why Eurovision is so good for so many people; because its so bad. Third-rate artists performing production-line manufactured Euro-crap, way beneath my superior and cultured tastes (Black Sabbath?), so I’ve never really watched it.

But Russia is still invading Ukraine, in case you hadn’t noticed. The people still living in Ukraine have definitely noticed. Which is why Liverpool is hosting the contest. Because its the city which most resembles the Donbas after 15 months of Russian assault.

So we’ve banned the Russians from entering. Doubtless a tragic loss to music. But in doing so the Eurovision People have made a political statement. They’ve abandoned neutrality. Ok, on the side of the good guys, but they’ve made them the good guys by not banning Ukraine too. Quite rightly.

Yet when President Zelensky asked to address the contest by video link they said a big ‘non!!’ Or ‘nein!!’, possibly ‘niet!!’ or whatever Eurovisioners say to state a negative. And I have to say I agree. I love little Zelensky, he reminds me of a toy soldier I had when I was 9. But his speech would be about the war. “Great song, now send me more tanks”. And it is inappropriate. Because that is a serious matter and the Eurovision isn’t. Its total bollocks.

Rishi Sunak disagreed with the Euros and said Zelensky should speak. Ok, another worthless opinion from our PM which everyone will ignore. Then Kier Starmer said he actually agreed with Rishi, rather than saying ‘the Prime Minister must go!’, like he normally does.

And that’s when I realised that I really really agreed with the decision. Because whatever Starmer says is wrong, stupid and useless. That’s it. Dilemma over.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx