Don’t you just fucking hate politicians? Why do we even need them? Oh, to run the country. Allegedly. Or to ruin the country. Allegedly. Depends who’s making the allegations.

Andrew Mitchell, Mr Plebgate, we now learn from those who know him, is a man very very likely indeed to call a policeman, whilst performing his policely duties, a fucking pleb. Had Mr Mitchell let this almost-gone-to-sleep dog lie, we’d have all given him credit and believed his story that it was nothing more than a police conspiracy to discredit him and make him look like a nasty, vicious, poncey, upper-class twit. But no, he had to push it too far, take everyone to court for accusing him of something that, on appearance, he actually did, and lost the case, his credibility and his right to be respected as a decent human being.

This week, former politician (ok, sacked after shagging a hooker wearing a Queens Park Rangers kit, but we need not go into that now, other than for fun), broadcaster and opera snob, sorry, opera aficionado, David Mellor, has been dragged across the coals (if only) for abusing a taxi driver. Who had the presence of mind to actually record the tirade on his phone. And this ex-Tory told the cabbie: “you drive a cab for 10 years and think you’re experienced? I’m a QC, an award-winning broadcaster, I’ve been in government…” As if that qualifies him for knowing the quickest route from Westminster to Elephant & Castle.

So why do these stories even make the news? Why does an argument between two men even rate one line in the local rag, never mind endless pages and hours on the radio and tv? Because they are/were mps? Because they’re vaguely famous??

No. They rile us in an extremely horrible way not because of the sheer unnecessariness of it, but because of their choice of argument. Which is one of class, one of position, one of SUPERIORITY. And we (the plebs) simply fucking hate that. Had Andrew Mitchell called the policeman ‘a fucking c**t’, bizarrely that would have been much more acceptable than calling him a ‘pleb’. Because the former is a general insult and the latter implies something much much worse. It implies a superiority. And no-one wants to feel inferior. Not a policeman, not a taxi-driver, no-one. Its class war reborn. These men may relate to Downton Abbey but they have no place in this age.

Whereas Tristram Hunt (not rhyming slang, but…) is on the verge of the other unforgivable sin for a politician; hypocrisy.

The shadow Education Minister wants private schools to provide aid and assistance to state schools otherwise his party, should ever reach power, which under Ed Miliband is rather unlikely, will remove the tax breaks private schools receive due to their charitable status. And why? Because Tristram has noticed something remarkable. That everyone else noticed about 9 generations ago. Which is that private education is a massive advantage for children to then progress to universities and great jobs. The obvious answer is to ‘just improve state schools’ but this would be costly and difficult, as those establishments are filled with plebs. Oops. So Tristram’s idea actually has merit. If it didn’t come with a threat. Private schools, like UCS, where Tristram Hunt attended, famous for great education, superb sports and fabulous quality of drugs, already ‘pay’ to the system by taking kids out of the over-stretched state system. Without any ‘rebate’ for the parents for ‘not using their state school place’.

Hunt went from UCS to Cambridge, then to the University of Chicago and got a job as a historian on tv. From there, off to Westminster as a politician. In other words; he’s never done a day’s work in his life. Other than possibly spending some of his gap yaaaah patronising villagers in Africa, slapping a bit of paint on a mud hunt to ease his personal feelings of guilt.

So there you are: politicians. So useless its as if Spurs had moved to the Houses of Parliament.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx