Oh what a night. And I must say that I never realised quite what a massive impact this blog has on the 60 million people of our fine land. And even on a few Scots, not that that did much good. Because you read my words, my cautionary warnings that life under Ed Miliband would be no life at all, that ‘ending austerity’ would in fact become so severely austere that Brits would be sailing over to Libya for a better future, and that having a tosser for Prime Minister is seriously uncool for any self-respecting nation.

And you have spoken. And this is what you’ve said. And they’re your words, so don’t have a go at me for foul language and nastiness.

You’ve said: FUCK OFF ED, you trumped up, back-stabbing, nob.
You’ve said: FUCK OFF ED BALLS, TOO. The man who can’t consistently count past 11 (what comes after 17?) and who was ‘destined’ to be the next chancellor, has just lost his seat in Leeds. Oddly, the only place in the country where they actually deserve Ed Balls, but there ya go.
You’ve said: FUCK OFF GEORGE FUCKING GALLOWAY (he deserves an extra ‘fuck’ because he’s just soooo hateful). Who now wants to stand for London Mayor. Well, why not, he’s Scottish, hateful, been rejected by every political party and no-one likes him. Waste some more money, George.
You’ve said: WE DON’T LIKE THE LIB-DEMS AT ALL. A strong case of ‘careful what you wish for’ as their years in coalition government have come back to condemn them almost fatally. Simon Hughes out, Danny Alexander out, and best of all, Vince fucking Cable OUT OUT OUT.

You’ve said lots of other things too but most aren’t worth saying, to be honest.

So thank you for your support in this. We, as a nation, could not have done it without all three of you swaying the entire election result.

And oddly, we really don’t know quite what we’re doing or saying. Because for weeks, right up to Thursday morning, the opinion polls have been consistently showing that ‘its too close to call; bring on the coalitions, the arrangements, the teamwork, blah, blah’. That’s how WE told the pollsters we intended to vote. Yet the ‘exit poll’, which says how we actually HAVE VOTED, came in last night showing a massive swing to the Conservatives. Which proved to be correct, if, even, a little understated seeing the results.

UKIP? Oh yeah, lotta votes, not many seats. If you call ‘1’, not many. So they’ll be crying for Proportional Representation for the next five years. If it was good enough for Hitler to gain power in Germany, its good enough for UKIP here.

I see no point in mentioning the Scottish Nationalists. They’re not English, they don’t want to be here, they’re nothing to do with me.

So Cameron remains, this time unencumbered by the Cleggists, and I’m still not a big Tory, but I can’t bare the class-war divisionism of the Labour Lummox. Myself and the rest of the Landed Gentry are now free to repress the (working family) serfs for another five years. Hoorahh. Let’s have champers for brekky.

Bollox, gotta go to work.

Very Happy Friday

A xxxx