I’m intrigued by the goings on at Volkswagen. Wolfsburg’s finest company (even better than their football team) is the largest car maker in the world. I think. Let’s say they are anyway. So I’d always assumed that they were just typical of wonderful German efficiency and organisation. That they storm-trooped their Germanic way through the automotive world with power and directiveness and a united game-plan. You know: they’re Germans. The staff are all blond and blue-eyed and wear lederhosen as they line up the engine blocks for insertion, singing jolly German songs to the accompaniment of the VW Official Accordion Player (accordionspieler) who has a special chair in the corner. At the end of the shift they all drink steiners of beer together and sing more songs. There’s no shortage of (terrible) German folk songs. Unfortunately.

But the truth is a million miles from that blurry picture of efficient harmony and agreement. Its more like a Jackie Collins (God rest her soul) novel.

Ferdinand Porsche, the original, had two children. Young Ferdinand and Louise. The daughter then married Anton Piech. Both Porsche and Piech had 4 children. So the company shares were divided into 10 and given to Young Ferd, Louise and each of their combined 8 children. Easy peasy.

Except families aren’t like that. Nothing’s easy. The two sides obviously hated each other and lived in a state of permanent power-struggle over the company. Which culminated in 1970 when, after employing psychologists at a family ‘meeting’ it was agreed that no family member could ever be allowed to work at the sports car manufacturer again.

So they turned their attention to the other cars. Like VWs. Though when that company was on the verge of bankruptcy in 1993, it was Ferdinand Piech who worked miracles to save all and send the company forward. He’d previously been at the helm of Audi and put them pretty much where they are today. No, not shamed and reviled, but right ‘up there’ with the ladies who lunch set and the yummy mummies. The reviled only happened this week.

Though he wasn’t the most popular family member, because in 1972 he left his wife and started an affair with the wife of Hans-Peter Porsche with whom he stayed for 12 years. And with whom he had 2 (of his 12) children. The other kids were from 3 other women.

Martin Winterkorn, the boss of VW until his ‘retirement’ yesterday, the official sorry-sayer on the newsreels, claims his own personal disgust at the whole emission-gate scandal, which would normally look to cost the company around 11 billion Euros. But as the main problem is sales in America, where ‘big litigation’ is something of a national sport, it could get much, much worse.

But we still don’t know who invented/authorised/decided on the emission test defeater mechanisms. And I think we should know that, really.

Happy families

A xxxx