So its finally over. The Queen thing. She vanished into a hole in the ground at Windsor, but elegantly, electronically, after having the orb and sceptre whipped away for Charlie, and its all over. So the news can revert to being… news, once more and the papers are no longer obliged to keep running ‘royal specials’, ‘regal supplements’ and every photo ever taken of the late Her Maj and some Corgis.

At peak viewing time on Monday, 28 million people in Britain were watching the BBC. Even the Super Bowl would take that. Shame they weren’t selling advertising time but some felt it might be a little inappropriate. In the circumstances. To have a young babe dancing round a box of tampons whilst The Queen was on the Long Walk. Or possibly, “Carling don’t make Royalty, but if they did…”

Thus we can move on. To talk about ‘The Queue’. Because we haven’t heard enough stories about people’s experiences of shuffling along the South Bank for 14 hours and we need more. It reached the point where people were going to Southwark ‘to see the queue’. I mean, FFS. What next, another queue, to see THE queue??

Whilst David Beckham joined the back and did it properly, some celebs chose not to. They went in the ‘back door’ without queuing. Philip Schofield and the rent-a-blond he does breakfast tv with, could be Holly, Fearne, Kate, they’re all interchangeable, has been lambasted for the new crime of ‘NOT QUEUING!’ You don’t have to say which queue, there is only one. ‘But we were working!’, he lamely cried. ‘Reporting on… well, on the unmoving coffin draped in a flag’, so we slithered in the VIP entrance, like fucking snakes!!!

Now we can move back to the economy. Some say that Liz Truss took the opportunity to murder the Queen so she would have 10 days to work out what the fuck she could possibly do with the economy. Otherwise she would have been pressured into making important announcements with insufficient time to calculate her plans. Ok, I haven’t heard too many people make that accusation, just me.

And it sounds like that was 10 days well spent because I’m going to be much richer. She’s taking another 200 billion quid which we don’t have, and giving it to me.

The Queen is dead: long live Liz Truss!

Happy normal (ish) Wednesday

A xxxx