The drive back from the Ramon took precisely the expected 2 hours of easy-peasy freeway, straight road experience. And the rental-car-panic was resolved when I realised that the exhaust/sump/axle was not overheating to the point of explosion but that I’d inadvertently pressed the ‘heated seat’ thing. And the last thing you need in 35 degrees is a burning bum. Well, the last thing I need. Can’t speak for you. Who’d’a thought a base model Nissan Micra would have such an option?

So we effectively followed the path of Moses. He didn’t use the freeway, was too mean to pay the toll, so he took the desert path and walked. Exodus. From Egypt. Across the Sanai and then just when he’d probably had enough sand to last 3 fucking lifetimes, he reached the Negev. Ok, Moses, just a few more years of trudging through more endless fucking sand dunes eating dust, schlepping your ten commandments in stone, and you’ll arrive in Jerusalem!!! Which hasn’t been built yet, but when it is? Oy; when it is???? Such a city that will be. (I’m figuring God to be some old Polish Jewish guy from Brooklyn here, just for effect; all heart, no grammatical structure.)

But where Moses went to Jerusalem (I’m guessing) or up to Tiberias, we took a left to Tel Aviv. Because its the most fab city in the world. Ok, it has a few traffic issues, and you can’t park anywhere, but once you’ve dumped the car, or had those nice people tow it away, you can enjoy the wonders.

The saying goes: Jerusalem prays; Tel Aviv plays. But it also eats. And not just eats well but has the most fantastic variety of amazing places and things to eat. From the street food to the seriously upmarket eateries, with loads of Otalenghi in the middle, its all a wonder.

So we went to see my mate’s ‘little boy’ who lives in a suburb of TA, with new wife (his only wife, just not of very long) and very new baby. All was great so we left them and stopped to eat at a cafe we saw along the way. This is a fairly downmarket area, but its still Tel Aviv. So the place was buzzing in that totally relaxed way that only exists here. And the food was amazing. Cheap but amazing. This was so off the tourist zone that they had no English menus. Only hebrew. And although I can read the hebrew for ‘blessed is the lord our God’ and ‘who gave us the fruit of the vine’, you know, the really useful, conversational stuff, I can’t read ‘haloumi salad’ or ‘garlic bread to fucking die for’, so someone had to translate.

The picture is Mel on a lilo that about to fall into the Ramon Crater!!!! Ok, its an infinity-pool illusion. I would never put that saintly woman in jeopardy unless it was really funny do do so.

Happy felafel

A xxxx