Helen Wood is a prostitute. A ‘good one’. Though I don’t speak from personal experience. I’d never heard of her (honest!) until Tuesday when it was revealed that she’d had sex with an actor. Wow. That’s big news (yawn, yawn). Well, it would have been big news except the actor, ‘PJS’, as he’s known, or as he’s unknown, more appropriately, took out a superinjunction, in 2010, when the alleged sexage occurred, to keep it out of the papers. Where it would doubtless have appeared in the ‘who gives a shit?’ column, except in the Mail Online where it would have been on the front page.

Helen’s a ‘good’ hooker because she charges £195 (not sure if there’s vat on that) as opposed to 25 quid from a King’s Cross crack-whore as favoured by MPs. So she must be good. But in fact she’s a good person too. Yup, it can happen. Because she has unreservedly apologised for having sex with this married actor. She had no idea. Would never want to hurt the family of PJS.

She’s a hooker. She doesn’t insist on a questionnaire of appropriateness before ‘doing her job’. She’s not there to make moral judgments on the acceptability of her client. You pay her, you have sex, you go home. End of.

She also apologised, almost with the same words, after being ‘engaged’ by Wayne Rooney. So sorry, he was a married man, blah, blah, wouldn’t want to hurt the family, feel terrible for Colleen, blah, blah.

Did she not know who Wayne was then? The man who’s spent half his life on the front and back pages of the papers? Always on the news, on tv, on everything. Unfortunately.

But why apologise? Its really not part of her job description. Its like the barman apologising to the family of a man who staggered home drunk. He’s just doing his job. The blame lies with the drunk.

Or with the person cavorting with prostitutes. The pro is not to blame. And apologising just make it all stupid. All her clients are married.

I’m over the elections. Sadiq Kahn is our mayor. Yippee. A Labour mayor, which is inherently wrong for London, but there ya go. Serves the conservatives right for firstly selecting the dullest man in the world as mayoral candidate, and then using the worst possible ‘strategy’ of trying to discredit the opposition. A tosser tragically mismanaged by a bunch of other tossers.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx