I’m what’s known as ‘good with faces’. Which is different from having a ‘good face’, which I fortunately do, but means I recognise people. And I do. Can’t always put a name immediately to the face, but faces I just know. My dad, bless him, is the same. He bumps into people he hasn’t seen since the last war and still recognises them. Its what we do in our family; recognise faces.

Even ‘old’ faces, that we haven’t seen for 20, 30, 40 years, I immediately know that I know them. I’ve even been known to approach these seeming strangers to work out from whence I know them.

“Yesssss!!!! I’ve got it!!! You were that really great looking babe from the Room at the Top in Ilford High Road; we went out, I got you pregnant, faked the dna test by giving them my mate’s toothbrush, ran away, left the country, never answered the calls from you or your solicitors, punched your mother in the face… How the hell are you??? What happened to your face?”

That kind’a thing.

So when I see a face that I don’t know, even on someone I’ve seen very regularly in movies, on tv, then something is amiss.

I was watching an interview on the news and wondering why this complete stranger was talking about the new, as yet unseen (as it, and all its previous incarnations, will remain unseen by me) Bridget Jones movie. I only realised it was Renee Zellwegger when she started denying to Fiona Bruce that she’d had any ‘work done’. Talking about how angry she is that everyone assumes she’s been under the knife! Just because she looks totally, completely, unrecognisably different from how she did 6 weeks ago. And seems to have a face totally devoid of movement or any other human characteristics. What an awful assumption for people to make!!!

They need to change the law. If you get a new face, YOU MUST GET A NEW NAME TO GO WITH IT. Otherwise its just too confusing. She should call herself The Remake, Lady Frankenstein, Bridget Jones, Vinnie Jones, anything but Renee Zellwegger, who she no longer resembles in any way shape or form.

Ok, I had a little nip and tuck, some botox, new lips; I wanted Brad Pitt, ended up with Mick Jaggers, a few fillers, but nothing that major. I had to have it done for my… errr… blocked sinuses. Honest.

Happy Saturday (even though the season’s three fucking weeks old and has been stopped already for ‘international bollocks’)

K xxxx