God bless our government!!! I’m so pleased that lovely man is our Prime Minister. The fact that he’s a masssssive Arsenal fan only adds to my pleasure and my confidence in the entire leadership process. Which is going so well! Especially regarding our ‘green’ policies. As someone who would never step on an ant or destroy a polar bear’s habitat, I’ve been gluing myself to motorways and bridges for 5 years now, getting wet feet from my aversion to leather and living as ‘carbon free’ a lifestyle as is possible, like Greta, I hail the COP29 to have been a wonderful success and the new laws regarding electric vehicles to be ‘life-changing’. Not just for me, but for the badgers. The shrews.

And all we have to do, once we’ve brought back all the 470 delegates we sent to Azerbaijan, is to just pay the small, poor islands and countries 300 billion dollars a year and that will make all that carbon just disappear!! Well, it’s ‘my’ money, isn’t it? I pay my taxes!! Though, I suppose there’s a good case that I don’t as I live on sickness benefits. Membership of the Green Party gives you instant rights to claim mental health disability, the application form comes with the Party badge and the rules of veganism.

But even better than pissing away hundreds of billions of dollars in countries we’ve never heard of, full of corrupt politicians and evil dictators, we’ve implemented rules right here in the UK to replace all those horrible, petrol and diesel cars and vans with proper, green, electric ones, which will save the planet by 2030. Even though we only produce 0.9% of the world’s emissions.

Best news of all is that Vauxhall Motors are finally closing that horrible factory in Luton. Well, I suppose, other than the airport, that factory IS Luton. No more rotten, smoke-spewing vans coming out of there!!! Ok, a few jobs will be lost. Alright, 1100 jobs will be lost but those people can just join the Greens and claim mental illness, can’t they? Remember, to be ‘working class’, you don’t actually need to work.

As a nation, we NEED to be producing 80% electric vehicles by 2030. And if the manufacturers fail to adhere to this very important, virtue-signalling, post-woke and mildly insane objective, THEY WILL BE FINED HEAVILY!!! As they should be. It is irrelevant that people in this country don’t want to buy these vehicles, make them anyway!!! They’ll have to buy electric if there’s no choice, won’t they?

And why would any decent person NOT want an EV? They only cost about twice as much as a ‘horrid-fuel’ vehicle. They only need minor restructuring of the neighbourhood electricity supply to install a charging point. And they go into ‘panic mode’ once you’ve gone more than 32 miles from home. The electric car charging infrastructure now can’t cope at all. So by quadrupling the number of EVs on the road, that should become better. Errr…

I know it looks bad, closing a great big factory and losing lots of jobs, but trust me… well, trust Kier, this is what ‘economic growth’ looks like.

Happy Veganember

xxxx