Do you do jigsaw puzzles? I don’t mean a cardboard photo of a smiling elephant cut into 6 pieces. I mean a proper fucking puzzle. 1000 pieces. Or more. (Not that I’ve ever done more, but not the point, I’m just establishing what is right for an adult to do and what is NOT). I’ve always loved puzzles. And for Mel and I, and in fact Rachie too who started ‘the first lockdown’ with us, we had a puzzle renaissance. I think it was made a law back in March 2020 that you had to complete at least one a month to avoid getting an FPN. Probably different if you were in government. And then we did lots. Basically, all we could get. Because once you start, they become deeply obsessive. They bring out the OCD in the most stable of calm karmas. So we bought them, we swapped with other (equally sad) people, and we bought more. Though I’m quite fussy. I like cartoony type puzzles, I like ‘funny’ picture, I like pop-arty type images, but would never, ever, be drawn to a 1200 piece photo of the Sacre Coer. Or Taj Mahal. A royal group portrait. Whichever bunch of royals. Kew Gardens (how many shades of ‘green’ can the human eye discern?). So we did puzzles. In fact we didn’t stop. For months. Probably overdid it. That’s what you do with an ‘obsession’ so you know its not just a hobby. And as it started to wane, we happened to be in Smiths one day and saw something called a ‘WASGIJ’. Which, for anyone not reading in a mirror, who isn’t Michaelangelo or isn’t an instant anagram-solver, is ‘jigsaw’ backwards. And it looks just like a normal puzzle, but…

They’re not. Nor are they just ‘backwards’. They show you a normal picture on the front, but that is NOT how the puzzle will look when completed. If completed. It just shows you the kind of scene that will be represented. Not the scene itself. They say ‘its what the people in that scene are looking out at from that scene’. In other words: yer on yer own. You can’t identify a piece from the picture on the box, because that piece is not from that picture. But another. Different one altogether. And if a normal puzzle creates a minor obsession, Wasgij puzzles represent the equivalent of mainlining heroin in one eyeball and crystal meth into the other. So we did about 7 because it was all we could find. And then stopped. Way back probably near the end of 2020.

Until a trip to Smiths the other week to buy a birthday card. Probably for Lila because Joey’s birthday isn’t til next month and there’s no-one else for whom I’d waste the 3 quid. And I found a Wasjig. A new one. (Not that an old one would be any easier but its not how its done). And it sits in a corner of the lounge on a card table. Calling me. “Andeeee…” it says. “Oh, Andeeeeee…” and I’m in the kitchen with my hands over my ears saying ‘no… no…NOOOOO!!!!” And then I’m sitting there, box in my hands, rummaging through the pieces, wondering how I arrived there. And when????

We need help. Therapy. Support Groups. Wasgijers Anonymous.

Happy puzzling

A xxxx