In response to the recent revelations about racial inequalities, a new commission is being set up to investigate all aspects of such injustice, from socio-economic to educational, from comments (other than those made by the Prime Minister) to opportunities. The commission will be headed by Sir Archibald Loughington-Quexwood. Who is ideally qualified as he received a very good education, at Eton, Oxford and Yale, and is known NEVER to have held one single racist view. Mainly because he has NEVER EVER met a person of any colour other than ‘white’ in all his 53 years. Not at school, not in the publishing house he inherited from his father, not at the bridge club, the golf club, the lunch club, not in ‘mummy’s house near Sandringham’ nor in the tea room at Claridges. So he’s perfect. Someone who can relate.

Ok, that was what I expected, whereas in reality the overseer (terrible word in the context, FFS) of the inquiry will be Kemi Badenoch. Who, being an African/American/English person of the womanly persuasion, knows more about inequality than the rest of parliament put together. So we can hope.

What we can’t really hope for though is that the dividing line between ‘inequality’ and ‘insanity’ might be re-drawn any time soon. Not content with the vandalism, removal or destruction of statues of any historical character who may or may not have done anything even vaguely ‘racist’ (by strict adherence to the 2020 code of wokeness), the English Heritage are currently looking into the backgrounds of all 950 people who have ‘blue plaques’ on buildings and that’s just around London. To ensure none of them had anything to do with the slave trade. Or knew anyone who had anything to do with the slave trade. Who ever referred to someone, even in negative tone, who had anything to do with slavery or colonialism, or who was a bit too white. Because who said that ‘heritage’ could ever be dark? Or bad? Or that evil historical figures aren’t just as interesting as the goody goody ones?

I’d like to see where Jack the Ripper lived. Difficult because no-one knows who he was, but due to speculation, they should put the plaque on Buckingham Palace. They should have one on 10 Rillington Place. The Krays house. Arsene Wenger’s home.

But that’s just me. Everyone else should just leave the blue plaques alone. No-one’s history is perfect and without some doubts and deviations somewhere. Especially yours.

Happy shop-opening-if-they-want Day

A xxxx