Well it works both ways!!! That’s the way of the world. This equality thing. Glass ceilings are moving upwards, women can vote, even drive, in some countries, though generally not that well. In all countries. There’s equality in jobs, wages and opportunities. Which means that in some jobs, like, f’rinstance, female impersonator, they are miles better than most men. Ok, not all women, but most. Women can fight in the army, join the police, play rugby and become men, if they really want to.

So in return, we are no longer allowed to hold doors open, doff our caps at any gorgeous filly who breezes past or woolf whistle, even whilst actively engaged in building works. But we are allowed to buy women’s underwear, iron shirts (if we know how) and cook. We can even become strippers.

I like cooking. Have always considered myself a perfectly liberated man, a true egalitarian in that I swear loudly at both men and women shit drivers equally. (For purposes of definition, a ‘shit driver’ is someone who really believes that they mean ‘20mph’ is the actual speed they want you to drive at).

But cooking is the thing. I didn’t learn it when very young just to impress women. That came later. I learned it because I’ve always been a pig and was too impatient to wait for someone else to cook for me. Women were only liberated back then because they’d burned their bras. Which no man was unhappy about. But it was a start. So I learned to fry an egg. A skill I’ve maintained to this day. I can also boil one, scramble one, poach another and eat them all at the same time. Then I learned the most simple meal to make ever. Spag. Bol. And armed with those 2 skills: boiling an egg and producing dinner, I set off on my own into the world. And I must admit that whilst being a very competent stir-fryer, stew maker and ‘baker’ (with very large limitations), my repertoire is basically… basic. Yet inventive.

Yet I meet so many men who ‘can’t cook’. Like; nothing. One friend, if left alone in the house will eat cornflakes for dinner. I mean… I mean…

If you can strip a car engine down to nuts bolts and valves, or write an algorithm to save the world, even audit the books of a multi-national bank, I’m gonna stick my neck out and say ‘you can probably boil an egg’. They show you how on YouTube.

Happy Birthday to Lila, who is FIVE today, and get well Joey, who has chicken-pox today. That’s equality??

A xxxx