The headline ran: “200,000” children watch hardcore porn”.
What I want to know is what’s wrong with the rest of the bloody children, the ones who don’t? The porn’s there, its free, be stupid not to use it. How else you gonna learn about nipple clamps? They should have a GCSE in porn, validate it properly. Or maybe call it a BDSM.

Today’s picture is the most beautifully tragic baby-pic ever. The fabulously happy, chubby, gorgeous little baby, called Wang, died on Flight 370. For some reason I found this very upsetting. Maybe because I love babies (though normally fried in batter) or maybe because of the Tai Chi connection. Or perhaps because its hard to relate to ‘a bunch’a people wot all died’ but not to such a wonderful image as this. Rest in peace, little Wang, you touched the world.

Paul Scholes reckons Arsenal are ‘a million miles from winning the championship’. Arsene Wenger says that its only six points. I make that 166,666.6667 miles, (to four decimal places; you have to study a bit of your maths as well as the porn) per point. So Arsenal can travel about 500,000 miles if they beat Manchester City today. Though as this is a six pointer really, they can go for the full mil. Either way, I don’t think they’ll be going anywhere. Man City are unfortunately in rather impressive form and I can’t see the Arse stopping them. Not on current displays by our red foes who seem to have lost the ability to scare teams in attack, and lost the plot completely in defense. Getting yourself sent off is NOT a good plan.

And tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. The Big Game. Massive. 22 points. 4 light years to Paul Scholes. Not that he knows what a light year is. Spurs at Liverpool. At one (tragic) time in my life, we had gone 72 years without winning at Anfield. That’s fortunately passed. And looking at the statistics you would have to give Spurs absolutely no chance whatsoever in the match. None. More chance of Putin giving Crimea back to Ukraine.

When the awesome Sturridge and Suarez are together, Liverpool have scored 200 goals, won 93 games and seen a 27% increase in their personal pension plans.

When Adebayor and Soldado have played together Spurs have won 1 game. By 1 goal. Once. And tomorrow they won’t even be together due to Adebaoyor’s injured foot.

Gerrard holds the key to Liverpool, as he always has. Its his drive, his passion, his motivating force that makes it all happen. Coutinho too is awesome, having about 194 assists this year. But that strike partnership is awesome. If Spurs had a decent defense that would be the way to keep the Reds at bay. If we had proper strikers we could outscore them. In the absence of all of the above, we should just get hammered. Again. Even though we outnumber them in the ‘mediocre midfielder’ department, hands down.

But this is football. Its not like that. Its not predictable in ways that the weather (sometimes) is. The odd can happen. Accidents happen, meteors collide, worm holes appear in space and Spurs can win at Anfield.

And I’m afraid that’s all we have: no logic, no statistics, just hope. Every Spurs fans worst enemy.

Happy sunny, summery Saturday

A xxxx