Doctor, I, errrr, I have… errrr… I have a little rash.

And I do. Friday night I was itchy. In my groin. Odd. Had a look after my shower and found a red rash (would have preferred a blue one) on both sides of my groin. Itchy. Looked nasty. Googled it; its called ‘jock itch’ and comes from… basically, sweaty bollocks. Its athletes foot of the testicle region. Athletes Testicles, I shall re-name it. Sounds cooler. And it said you have to wash properly. I’m an obsessive washer. Not just 2 showers every day but I WASH. Between every toe. Mel laughs at this but that’s why my feet are fucking cleaner than hers! And you must dry properly. My bathroom looks like Pablo Escobar’s. Covered in a thin film of white powder. Ok, a thick film of white powder. Johnson’s baby powder. To say I use this ‘liberally’ is an understatement akin to saying ‘West Ham are having a difficult start to the season’. But still I got the rash, which I’ve never had before. Its fungal. Like mushrooms. I have Toadstool Testicles. And treated with some cream, its almost gone. Phah.

Then I read this in today’s paper (see above). And screamed. Haven’t really stopped screaming yet, I’m just doing it internally so as not to upset fellow tube travellers.

So whilst I’m panicking the National Executive Council of the Labour Party (henceforth, for purposes of simplicity referred to as ‘Hezbollah’) are today redefining their previously redefined redefinition of anti-semitism. Which is a good thing. Or would be if they actually meant it, felt it or even accepted that this issue is a problem within their midst. And not just a ‘conspiracy against Brother Corbyn by Trump supporting, right wing, anti-workers, capitalists and other fucking Jews’.

They will probably have to accept the IHRA official definition, in full, with all those pesky ‘examples’ which were what they’d removed the last time they tried to redefine. But it all comes down to attitude. And what Labour have to understand is that words, even IHRA words, are pretty fucking meaningless if actions say something else. To reluctantly accept something due to massed public outcry and accusation is not quite the same as embracing its spirit. They don’t seem to understand that if you judge Israel differently from all other countries (as does the UN too, by the way) then a bunch of neurotic (we all are), over-thinking (yep) and possibly overly sensitive (understandable) Jews will ask what differentiates Israel’s ‘atrocities’ from those in Syria, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Darfur, North Korea, even Mayanmar, which barely get a mention.

Oh happy days.

Let’s make Tuesday one of them.

A xxxx