If Jeremy Corbyn should come to power in this land formerly known as Great Britain, I want to declare the area bounded by the North Circular Road, the Edgware Road, Lords to the south and East Finchley High Road to become an independent state. North West Londonia. It will be independent, have very strict border controls and be ‘part of Europe’ but only for holidays. Oh, and while I’m there, its gonna be tax free. Why not? Like a little Monaco resting by the Heath of Hampstead. I’ll be the king (well its my frikkin idea, innit?) and my granddaughter will be henceforth known as Princess Lila. Which is pretty much what she is now, but she’ll have the title to go with it. And there’ll be no fucking speed bumps. Or speed limits on the roads.

Well why not? Everyone else is doing it. Up in Catalonia, the home of my second favourite football team, they want independence from Spain. So the Spanish police sent in the heavies to, basically, beat up anyone who thinks they might like to vote in the referendum on the subject. Which is almost as democratic as locking up and shutting down all the polling stations. We should try that here. But they’re having a referendum. That most evil and divisive of political weapons.

Because a referendum sounds like a great idea. “Let’s ask the people what they think”. Very democratic and egalitarian. Except its not. The Catalans are having theirs because they want away from Spain. Like the Scots did when they wanted independence from the UK. Except we let them have their vote and Spaniards are keen to prevent the Catalonia one from happening. Which is almost irrelevant anyway. As the mere mention of a referendum instantly divides the people into warring factions. Ok, the ‘wars’ are manifest as protests, generally peaceful (but not in Catalonia once the police arrive to ‘help’). So the community is divided into those who want the referendum and those who don’t. Pretty much, you’d think, those who want independent Catalan region and those who want to remain part of Spain. But why? What purpose would independence serve? Its not like Catalonia is some forgotten wasteland outpost. Have ya been to Barcelona??

The Scottish referendum painfully divided the Scots. There’s still heaps of bad feeling up there over it, all those years ago. Same with the Brexit debacle. Which demonstrated why referenda are wrong, because the people you’re asking are insufficiently qualified to make that decision. Which is why Brexiteers can’t get out quick enough, regardless of economic consequences and remainers think the ‘out’ voters just ignorant Faragists with a racist agenda.

I want to ban referenda. We should have a referendum on that very subject today.

Happy Monday

King A
xxxx