It’s been a busy few months for Boris Johnson. And his Johnson.

They became prime minister, ‘got Brexit done’ (remember Brexit; ahhhh the nostalgia…), caught Covid 19, nearly died, came back to life, like Jesus, and became a father for the 17th time (estimates may vary).

Some minor relief arrived for our overwhelmed PM yesterday when the Independent Office for Police Conduct declared that there was insufficient evidence to investigate charges of ‘misconduct in a public office’ over his ‘relationship’ with Jennifer Arcuri, another loud-mouthed big blonde thing. BUT, they stated, he may have breached ethical standards expected of public officials.

They obviously don’t read the papers much, nor books on political history, they’ve never been to Cliveden and remain mired in some parallel universe where sexual harassment, affairs and scandals are not collectively led by the political classes. Boris’s ‘ethical standards’ are precisely what I’d expect of any politician. In the real world.

Yet its the word ‘relationship’ which perplexed me in this context. Implying that Bo and Jen were hand-in-hand strolling through the park, eating ice creams and picturing their life together after Boris left his (extremely) long-suffering wife and mother of 4 of his children. Whereas Boris stated in his defence: ‘That Arcuri bird? I was just shaggin’ it.’ (I may have changed the actual wording slightly but certainly captured the exact sentiment, of that I’m sure).

Boris found a willing bundle of fun and sexuality and decided, unilaterally, to take it with him on a few ‘business development trips’ to Europe. Sex which is ‘free at the point of delivery’. For him. With public funds to pay for them both, obviously. He was the mayor of London, ffs, gotta be some perks. So he promised her a few grand (100,000 was the amount banded ab out) for business development and took her on a junket or two. What ‘ethical standards’?

Dominic Cummings was found to have committed the less ambiguous crime of ‘being a tosser during lockdown’. Of breaking the rules. Which, essentially, he imposed upon us, given his ridiculous level of ‘influence’ he has over our PM. The ‘rules’ would have been his rules. And its not like he went out to buy milk when he already had one pint of semi-skimmed and a litre of blue-top!! No. What he did was take a train to Durham. From London. To see his parents. 250 miles away. Well, maybe there were good reasons. BUT…

His wife, who traveled too, and Dominic, both had Coronavirus. Both tested positive and had symptoms. And took them on a train ‘up north’ to spread the love.

I’m not big on rules. Lockdown or otherwise. It’s not my nature. But this. THIS!! Without getting too ‘cultural revolution’ about it (another fabulous Chinese export), Dominic should be pilloried and shamed. Unfortunately ‘shame’ is a bit too human an experience to bother Dominic and his somewhat ‘other worldliness’.

Happy today/yesterday

A xxxx

Ok

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