I have had a request. A first in the entire history of this esteemed and much respected blog, which always aims to provide honesty, clarity, ‘transparency’ (steps aside to avoid vomiting on i-pad) and impartial, well-balanced… reporting? Opinionating? Ranting??? Whatever. It’s fucking impartial, innit. And will remain so until becoming partial provides a funnier scenario. As with the honesty and transparency shit. It’s only good whilst its funny, then dishonesty and opacity becomes the way forward.

The request came from far away. From the Bulawayo Boy, currently residing in Sydney, Australia, where many a good criminal was once sent. Or rather, all the bad criminals. The ones that were caught. And he has requested clarity on the current farce surrounding Brexit in which Britain is poised to ‘break international law’, reducing our national standing in the international stage and making us a pariah state, like Iran or North Korea, that nobody will ever trust or deal with again. Like Russia, but without the nerve agents.

And I wish I could be bothered to even read all the intricacies and posturing surrounding this latest ‘development’ in the longest political ‘saga’ (read: TOTAL WASTE OF TIME, SPACE AND ENERGY), but now the football season’s started, I simply don’t have the time. And if I’m honest, I was actually thinking of painting a wall just to watch it dry rather than have to delve into this latest Boris-driven-fiasco.

Briefly: the French are total bastards and the Germans inflexible tyrants. Together they created a Brexit plan, signed by a succession of limp-wristed, wishey-washey, Eton-educated ‘Brexit ministers’ and ‘Foreign Secretaries’, as they gave up the will to live, one after the other. We (I speak for my entire nation, even the Welsh, here) will pay the EU about 40 billion quid, possibly 50, maybe 60, depending on which yacht Barnier finally decides to buy, and we ‘leave Europe’ whilst still being governed by 98% of their laws.

So Boris has now said that we RESERVE THE RIGHT to imply our own rules over Northern Ireland trade. Which would be in breach of this so-called ‘international law’ but we actually don’t give a shit because keeping the Irish from murdering each other is a bit more important than some esoteric philosophico-legal construct made in Brussels.

And we want to be able to bail out failing companies with government aid, which again breaches EU laws. Because they are heartless bastards and we are caring and loving to all mankind.

No international laws are breached until either of those actions actually takes place. Talking about driving too fast is not a crime, neither is talking about ‘breaking international law’. But we might do either. Certainly the former.

And that’s it. I could have saved the bother and just replied: ‘it’s all Euro-bollocks’ but its actually much worse than that, so deserved a full response.

I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW, JON-BOY!!!

Happy awful start to the football season day

A xxxx

Sent from my iPad