Thursday was the Jewish New Year. We’re now in 5875. Because we started counting the days as soon as Babylon fell. Possibly when Moses brought the tablets down the mountain and said: ‘thanks, God, I’ll see ya next year’. So he needed to know when that year was up. Ok, he needed to know what a ‘year’ was, which was tricky cos it hadn’t been invented yet. So they invented it, but it’s lunar, not solar. So we get more months than the rest of the world. Which is only fair. And picking some random geezer upon which to base an entire world calendar system is a touch egocentric, even for Jesus.

Anyway, it was new year so I made a resolution. Even though it’s not what’s really done in our new year. We work out how to be a much better person. Not just how to be a slimmer, fitter one. But I thought, this year I will make a big effort to improve my diet. Which is pretty good, other than the… supplements I take. Mainly, but by no means limited to, chocolate. I need to be fitter, stronger, faster, better. Because I’m very old and I’m not ready to wither just yet. Though whenever the ‘assisted dying’ debate comes up people look at me strangely, with sympathy.

So I did my normal Saturday morning bi-athlon (that’s an athletic event, not a new gender), martial arts at 8.15, home in time to hop on my bike and go to play tennis. In the fucking sunshine!!!! And so my plan was going all to schedule. I’ll be the fittest old git in the care home.

But then I stopped to pay my paper-bill. And came out with this lot. I have no idea nor recollection how it happened. One minute I was handing over my Times vouchers and the next I was walking out with this lot. As if I was possessed! By a pig.

As I was about to return them explaining it was all a big mistake, against God’s will, a temporary insanity, I stopped. Because it’s yin and yang. Balance. I’m active, therefore I need rewards. Treats. Joey gets ‘em. Lila won’t leave home without one. What about me? It’s not like I’m going to eat them all at once. That’s at least 2 days worth. And they give me energy. Good energy. Mars bars (even though I didn’t buy them) help you ‘work, rest and play’, don’t they? Its scientific. Innit.

I’ll give up chocolate in January. The next resolution time. I didn’t get where I am today by passing by Picnic bars on special offer.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx