Prince Andrew is not the most interesting of royals. Nor the most popular. Nor the most beautiful (need more time for that list, currently stuck on 0). Not even the most obnoxious, though he’s close. And the fact is that despite the fairly recent ‘scandal’ associating him with the late and not-at-all lamented Jeffrey Epstein and the underage sex issues, its pretty much all been forgotten in the latest wave of electioneering, Brexiteering and abysmal football results for Tottenham. Joey starting to eat solids is way bigger news than some lowly naughty royal, because it’s NOW, not ‘back then’.

But rather than letting sleeping dogs shit in the woods, or adopting an attitude more water under the bridge, over the bridge and in fact the bridge just floated away down Birmingham High Street, Prince Andrew decided to come clean, and clear the (heavily polluted) air unfit for for a Norwegian schoolgirl, let alone a Prince of royal standing. So he invited Emily Maitlis round to the Palace for tea and a chat. With a BBC film crew to hand. Not just to protect Emily from being alone in a room with a man one royal title away from the sex offenders’ register, but also to record his thoughts, recollections and excuses about ‘his time with Epstein’.

And guess what? He didn’t do nuffink. Not a fing. Touched no woman, had no sex, and ‘quite frankly’ he ‘doesn’t remember anything about Virginia Roberts’. Which is a completely and perfectly credible statement, in view of the above picture.

This is not a picture of an opportunist moment to ‘snap a royal’. This is a picture of comfortable intimacy. If I took a selfie with a royal (fucking shoot me if I ever do) I would not wrap an arm around him, lean into him and expect him to look relaxed, at ease and content. I would expect it to look like the intrusion it would be.

Photos are evocative. That’s why we take them. To remember times, people, places. It’s virtually impossible not to. So for Andrew to claim innocence is fine and what you’d expect. But to claim ‘no recollection’ is a fucking joke. And makes him look way more guilty than he did before he decided to ‘clear the air’.

Which would make him my ‘tosser of the week’ except John McDonnell wins that particular prize hands down. With his sudden decision to nationalise BT’s Openreach. Yes, it was news to BT, it was news to everyone when he said that BT, a private and listed company, was to be part-bought by his ‘incoming Labour government’ for 20 billion quid, so we could all enjoy ‘free broadband’. Even though wireless WiFi ain’t that far away. And even though BT is valued at way more than 20 bil. And has a massive pension ‘Black hole’ which is currently part-funded by profits from Openreach. And all the shareholders and particularly other pension schemes heavily invested in BT, would all take a massive hit. And the final bill would end up nearer 100 billion quid. How many doctors, nurses and beds would that buy for the NHS????

Happy Saturday

A xxxx