That’s the first disappointment really. You arrive in Japan pretty much at dawn and instead of a rising sun it looks like a bad day in Manchester. Wet, grey, mist, rain, dull. But heh, we’re in Tokyo!!!! Which you know because half the population are in demi-burqua-in-white mode. Surgical masks are everywhere. It makes it all a bit ‘clockwork orange’ but inscrutability is what made this nation great and then anti-pollution obsessions made it even better.

That’s really the only disappointment with Tokyo, the rest is just… just… just wow. Firstly it’s big. Secondly its bigger. Thirdly its so full of people you can barely breathe at times. Don’t think a mask would help. But I’m willing to try in the interest of international relations. Because they can’t see you sniggering at their masks from behind your own one.

The women here are wonderful. The young ones simply divine. Like little dolls. The men and boys are not. They’re like tragic caricatures. And they wonder why marriage rates have declined here so steeply that their population is set to reduce by 25% in the next 40 years.

Above is the ‘tube map’. And you use the tube all the time. You have to. Would take you all day just to get from Akihabara to Shibuya. Tokyo joke. Some of the lines are nationalised and some are private. And to link between the two you sometimes need to go to a different entrance at street level. And every station spreads about 6 blocks in each direction underground. They’re all signed in lots and lots of Japanese characters and a little afterthought English single word underneath. Or round the corner. Which doesn’t make it easy. But it does make it both fun and the cause of a major fucking celebration every time you just find your way outside. Lots to celebrate here.

Then there’s the restaurants. Oooooh, we all LOOOOOOVVVVVVE Japanese food. As in Nobu. As in the western interpretation of Japanese food. Ya don’t get that here. They’re all bloody fakes in Japan, nothing like the real thing. New York has 30,000 restaurants. Tokyo has 160,000. BUT: they specialise. You want sushi, you get sushi, probably the best sushi anywhere (doh). But you won’t get noodles there, or steak or teriyaki anything. They have their own restaurants. And the groups of similar specialties seem to group together. So you get 100 restaurants across 3 streets, but they all sell the same thing, done in slightly different ways. Basically, you walk into any restaurant here and you’re taking a gamble. Are you feeling lucky, punk? Or just hungry??

And then I learned from a guide the most fascinating fact ever. That in Japanese there is no ‘L’ sound and no ‘R’ sound. Which is why, stereotypically, orw dose retters get rost in tlansration. Because they can’t pronounce either and even those fluent in Engrish get a bit lost on that. ‘Lila’ is simply a non-starter over here.

Basically I’m lovin’ it here. If it would stop raining for an hour I could even love it more but even though they can’t pronounce ‘umbrella’ they can certainly sell them.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx