We popped over to my old mate’s yesterday. And when I say ‘popped’, I actually mean ‘struggled for hours against he hoards of incompetent lane-blockers, reverse-gear-only tossers, clueless fuckers and, even more profoundly, ROADWORKS!!!’ Because my mate lives in Kingston. The one that’s ‘upon Thames’ though its probably quicker to get the Jamaica one on the basis that you don’t have roadworks in the sky.

The trip from my house to his house (women have NO ownership in my world) is about 14 miles. I’ve done it thousands of times. Round the North Circular to Chiswick. Down to Kew (the pretty bit) on through Richmond Park (the gorgeous bit) and there ya go. What could be easier? I’ll tell you what could be easier, is if they left the fucking roads alone. Which local councils seem totally incapable of doing. And their preferred choice of roadworking is on the weekends. Cos no-one’s going to work, are they? Maybe not. Some do, but on a lovely weekend what’s nicer than to ‘pop’ round to an old mate, to the Park, to Epping Forest, to Hampton Court, to the seaside, the countryside (if you must), to any of London’s vast array of ‘stuff’ wot is great on sunny days.

But you can’t. Because they’re doing roadworks. Everywhere.

Took an hour and half to get there. Should be 40 minutes. But I spend the extra time quite usefully. Growing ulcers. Shouting. Screaming. Swearing. Its nice.

We finally arrived. Exhausted. But a barbecue for 17 people sorted that out. Even though there were only the 4 of us. And we played. My mate’s house is a shrine to Steve Jobs, apples everywhere, not one of them to eat. But he loves toys. Including this rather super ‘little’ Harley Sportster. I’d show you the video but its been banned by the noise abatement society. Cos that bike is FUCKING LOUOUOUOUOUDDDDD!!!!! And its mildly incriminating as I rode it without a hat. Ooops.

For the return leg we used Waze. And in Waze we trust. Spent pretty much 40 minutes going over speed bumps down tiny little side streets then landed on the North Circular at Wembley. Going the right way! Who’d’a known that places like Acton and Park Royal actually exist? Like, in the real world.

Almost a pleasure to get back on the tube this morning.

Happy Monday

A xxxx