They’re closing Buckingham Palace. The entire Royal Family is being suspended from duty with immediate effect following the recent allegations of racism, lack of care and being generally ‘as woke as a sleeping thing’. Following mass protests by Jeremy Corbyn, Diane Abbott and another person even less significant than those 4 (Abbott’s calculation), the government have stopped all royal activity. Except crown-wearing, which can only be done indoors, whilst wearing a mask. Newly minted coins will depict the head of Boris Johnson.

Can you imagine? An anti-royal revolt? Suspension? Instead, Her Maj is conducting an investigation to the allegations ‘in private’. They are a private bunch, them Royals. For people who spend 40% of their lives in the cross-hairs of the world’s public, they like ‘private’.

I mean, its not like the Queen is a ‘proper’ racist. She’s not like some KKK type, new-nazi, Trumpite, Faragesque, Piers Morganish real cross-burner. She’d never get a tiara over the white hood. But no-one’s accusing her of that. Or anything really. Not personally. Yet someone, somewhere in the ‘Firm’ is showing a lack of political correctness that is wholly unacceptable in the ‘woke era’.

I’ve been speaking to people about ‘The Interview!!!’, as its now known. The interview to end all interviews. Although many proudly proclaim ‘I didn’t watch it’ as if that puts them on some kind of moral pedestal or intellectual upper class. But those who watched it simply fall into two distinct camps. The Meglievers and the Megliars.

You either believe what she said or you don’t. If you don’t, then the Queen can reign on for another 60 years with your total support and backing and can stay on our stamps. Piers Morgan called her a liar on tv and quit his job 10 minutes later after being slagged off by a colleague and receiving 41,000 complaints during those 10 minutes. Yet Piers knows about liars. Being proven to be one himself, publishing photos, when editor of the Daily Mirror, that were false. So now the world’s most obnoxious Arsenal fan (oh my, that is a hard mountain to climb) is unemployed. As he should be.

If you believe Meghan, as I do, then indeed the Royals need to answer the accusations. Even if that belief is based on something as superficial as her ‘being a total babe’, which I say in the most woke way possible, and that she’s much too gorgeous to lie. And there’s a cheque in the post.

No-one is ever going to know the truth, so a pair of lovely legs is as good a way as any to resolve the situation.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx