Who wants another runway at Heathrow? I do. I want my own one so I don’t get delayed because some slack pilot has ‘missed his slot’, because he’s got a hangover and turned off his alarm. But in reality, we ALL need a new runway. 2 is just not enough. And it isn’t for a true international ‘hub’, which Heathrow is. The airport currently handles up to 200,000 flights a year and that is just not enough. Because if Heathrow is more successful, England is more successful. Although, obviously, Spain does better because they own our major airport now. Well, with the Qataris, who chose to invest when they weren’t harbouring Hamas leaders. Probably used the money which we gave Gaza through UNWRA but which never made it to the Gazan people. Anyway, more people coming in means more people spending money here. Unless those people arrive by boat, because they don’t have any cash left. And accessibility makes it that overseas businesses will choose to invest here. Making Heathrow even more important. More runways, more flights, more money. Simple.

Rachel Reeves, the chancellor, appreciates this in her quest for ‘growth’. Even though she lacks the sense to know that taxing businesses punitively will only create ‘growth’ in unemployment. But she met up with a lot of ‘big boys’ in Davos last week and she was impressing them with her ‘big plans’. Part of which, she decided, is a third runway at Heathrow.

The first problem is this.

Ed Miliband.

The man incapable of eating a sandwich without humiliating himself has become ‘Mr Carbon Neutral’ for the entire country, if not the entire planet. And increasing the number of aircraft taking off in Hounslow will produce such an excess of carbon that all the electric cars we can have in our driveway won’t be able to make up for it. And the fact that Miliband is an abject tosser does not necessarily mean that there will not be conflict of interest in our government and between departments.

The second problem is: where ya gonna put the third runway? You can see on the map the present 2. Long things running across the site, one ‘north’ one ‘south’. So where you going to put number 3? They’re 2 miles long. And in between is the terminals, so you can’t put one there. Which means you can either build vertical take-off planes or you need another two mile stretch, which will involve destroying part of the neighbourhood adjacent to the airport. That’s fine by me, I don’t live there. But there will be NIMBYism going on. And who can blame them.

Or you could build ‘Heathrow’s 3rd runway’ in Yorkshire. Plenty of room up there. And you’d get on a ‘train’ at Terminal 5, much like you do now, and it would take you straight to the gate.

Please arrive at the airport 7 hours before your departure time.

Happy Sunday

A xxxx