They’re gonna kick the Russians out of the Olympic games. In Rio. In a couple weeks time. We really need to kick the Americans out too, then we’d have a much better chance of winning loads and loads of medals. But the Americans don’t take drugs. Not in an institutionalised, Government-sponsored, state-aided, industrial kind’a way. Like the Russians do. A KGB officer comes in personally every day to force a tablet down your throat or inject your thigh. He has a gun. You don’t argue. Then when the urine samples are required, the KGB man comes back with a sample from his mum and swaps it with your own drug-tainted one. Easy. Effective. Until you get caught. Then its shame, humiliation and horror.

And what a shame for the athletes, training their little Russian socks off every day in the gym, on the tracks, in the pools, to be the pawns in Putin’s lust for glory. Which is what it all comes down to. Appeasing the masses because the economy’s gone to shit, the world hates us and everything is doom and gloom. Again. Never mind, give them a few olympic medals, that’ll cheer ’em up in the bread lines.

Of course, this is announced in Russia as ‘lies and persecution by the Western media’ but even the Russians must doubt that.

What’ll happen to the 2018 World Cup? In Russia? Which should never have gone to Russia, no more than the 2022 one should be in Qatar. All the result of corruption. I really think that in the aftermath of the upheavals at FIFA and the end of the hateful Sepp Blatter, these decisions need to be reconsidered.

But no need to reconsider the next Royal (ish) Wedding. Oh no. Pippa Middleton and her man are getting wed and have already had some serious reconsideration during the various splits in their tempestuous relationship over the last few years. But no more. The date is set, my suit is pressed, the wedding is on. The girl who upstaged a princess just by bending over in a tight dress is to have her own wedding to her own Hedge Fund Dude. Like all hedge funders, he’s dull as dishwater, sexually inadequate, probably supports Arsenal, and is richer than Croesus.

Congratulations to Pippa and, er, Whass’is’name.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx