oh dear, what a faux pas de deux. What a blatant act of sexism loosely disguised as a compliment. Quel damage. Pauvre Lauren Blanc, the latest of a bunch of neanderthal Frenchmen to fall foul of the finikity feminist footballing fraternity. (Ok, it should be ‘sorority’ but the alliteration was simply irresistable). (And I didn’t even use a ‘fucking’ to enhance it.)

Manager of Paris St Germain and World Cup winning Frog, Lauren (I know; issa gel’s name but in France, because they’re all a bunch’a poofs, they use gel’s names for boys, like Michel and… er… Lauren) was being interviewed by seriously gorgeous journalist Swedish babe Johanna Whatever and when she commented that he’d changed his team line-up from 4-4-2 to 4-3-3, he commented that it was fantastic she knew what it meant and he found it beautiful.

I’d have actually made a mess in my underpants myself, but self control was never my thing.

Beautiful woman talking proper football; the dream. If she’d been swilling warm, cheap lager out of the can at the same time and belching, you’re talking ulitmate fantasy.

But the always hypersensitive French liberal-lefty, Hollande-ish press attacked Monsieur Blanc for being caught out as a sexist.

Whereas last time he spoke out loud it was actually to be a racist, suggesting quotas from immigrant populations in their football league. So Lauren is not exactly a champion of equality.

And it all comes about because football is ‘a man’s game’. According to Pierre Menes, the John Motson of French football broadcasting, who said ‘women footballers were fat turkeys to ugly to go to nightclubs on a saturday night’. He really really said that.

But its not about playing the game, its about understanding it, enjoying it, loving it, getting into the politics, the tactics, the nitty gritty of every facet of (my) national obsession. Hence my daughters knew the offside rule before they could even walk. Whilst Mel obsessed about meaningless trivia like ‘education’ and ‘study’, I drilled those girls about sitting midfielders, wing-backs, 3-at-the-back, diamond formations, so that they became more ’rounded’, though heaven forbid in any literal sense. I taught them how to kick the ball, how to ‘bend it like Beckham’, how to consume alchohol, swear like a faaaarrrkin’ trouper and insult referees. And I schooled them to hate Arsenal, dispise Chelsea, sneer at anyone from Manchester.

So yes, Lauren, in civilised countries being a bit of a babe is not incompatible with a comprehensive knowledge of football. It doesn’t make them lesbians. Otherwise they’d be rugby fans.

Bloody sexist stereotyping, its soooo French.

Happy thursday

A xxxx