The French are such a contentious, divisive and stroppy race of people. They always have been, which is why we’ve always loved them. Well, we love looking at them. Best to leave it there, really, the problem only starts once you ‘engage’.

And now THISl!!!! Short-hair-gate!!!! Coupled with ‘flat-chest-gate!!!!’

First you have to accept that there are people in the world who put some kind of stock into ‘beauty pageants’. Most of the civilised world, and all of the ‘woke’ world, has no time, place or bovver for such a fatally flawed concept as parading women around to see which one looks the nicest. Miss Whatever competitions are basically objectification on steroids. Though as always, the contestants would (have to) say that ‘it empowers them!’, because you have to say that to avoid being burned alive by the feminist army.

So basically: all decent, correct people pretty much have no time whatsoever for these most banal of competitions. So, obviously, the French love them and take them very serious-ment indeed. As does 90% of middle America. Less popular in the Arab world. For… errrr… obvious reasons.

And they’re pissed off with the competition for having a victor(ia) with short hair!!! Who is not, by any definition, as ‘curvaceous’ as they’d like. As we’d all like. Roger Rabbit’s wife, kind’a deal. All waist-length curls and tits like watermelons. And hips. BIG hips.

And in steps Eve Gilles, the most exquisite little elfin, pixie-esque beautiful-of-beauties and…

NON! She ‘as short ‘air!!! She is not, ow you say, ‘curvaceous’!!! No Miss France in a ‘undred years ‘as never ‘ad short ‘air!!! Sacre bleu!!!!

They worry that she’s androgynous. An accusation always made BY those uncertain of their own sexuality and living a partial lie, thus if a woman looks ‘boyish’ in any way, it stirs parts of them which create immense cognitive dissonance. Which is a long way of saying ‘all French blokes are poofs’.

I think Eve is gorgeous beyond gorgeous. In that wonderfully Audrey Hepburn way. There’s a world of women out there who aren’t Dolly Parton. And there’s probably some French people who aren’t tossers, but I’ve yet to find one.

A Scottish couple drove an electric car from the North Pole to the South Pole. 18,000 miles. In order to redefine ‘range anxiety’ to stratospheric levels. I couldn’t make it to Suffolk and back without collapsing in a heap of EV-related mental health issues, and they went half the world’s circumference. I don’t think its the electric acquisition that’s the problem, just keeping your shit together whilst you’re setting up your solar panels and mobile wind farm. I need to consider those as options. God help us all.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx