I had another scan on Saturday. My 17th this year. All things considered. I’ve had MRIs, I’ve had various CTs and now it was an ultrasound scan. On my Aorta. To check for aneurisms. Because when you reach 65 they send you an invitation. No reception with canapés or Bucks Fizz, just pitch up, pull up your t-shirt and have a bunch of slippery slime spread over your abdomen with an ice cold metal… thing. All mothers will appreciate the process. Sadly, I’m not pregnant. Nor do I have an aneurism, not so sadly. And I don’t need to do it again. Ever. If you don’t have it at 65, you’re good to go (on).

They do this. The NHS. Full of checks and scans and tests and things. At 60 they send you a ‘shit-on-a-stick’ home use kit. Its the best fun ever. And its free. Apparently they check for bowel cancer whilst your playing the game. Then they haul me in every couple years to check my lungs. Though that was for ‘nhs research’ so they gave me a 20 quid Tesco voucher for my trouble. Who knew? I’d have gladly done it for nothing but took the voucher and exchanged it immediately for (most of) a bottle of my favourite single malt whisky. Just what the NHS would recommend, I’m sure.

No wonder we’re all living so long that everything else they don’t or can’t test for is becoming a massive drain and strain on resources.

All they really need to do is feed you some ‘erbs and you’ll live forever. Because according to a new study, just a couple tea spoons of black pepper, turmeric, parsley, coriander or several others can reduce blood pressure ‘significantly’. And it was done on Americans who just added the herbs to their usual, 3 supersized Big Macs, giant chips with cheese, chilli and lard, three milkshakes, a gallon of fat coke and 3 kilos of Rocky Road. Their diets were not changed, just ‘erbs added in one group, not in the other. And the blood pressure came (some of the) way down. Pizza’s got lots of herbs on it. Make sure you eat at least one a week. (Pepperoni’s a herb, innit?)

Healthy Monday

A xxxx