I love science. And most of what happens under that rather large and disjointed umbrella generally gets my approval. Because science works to understand the physical world, to explain it and, where possible, to harness it for our benefit. Hence the motor car, space travel, replacement hips, IVF and cling-film. And I realise that, particularly in the genetics field, there are many and great moral issues that come about. Frozen embryos, stem cell research and, the old favourite, animal testing. Not sitting a giraffe down to answer questions on geometry, but using animals to test products. But morality aside, science expands our knowledge and our world. Hence the ipad upon which these words are writ. And if a dozen lab-rats died so that my new smartphone holds its battery charge for an extra 14 minutes, then God bless those dead rats. But…

They want to build a mammoth. A wooly mammoth. Extinct for 4000 years, this massive (size of a small house/large shed), hairy elephantine thing is to be (new word alert!!!!) “de-extincted” by scientists. They’re gonna make one. Not with Lego. There’s barely enough Lego in Scandinavia to build a full-size mammoth, so there gonna use the DNA they have from old fossils plus, and this is the important bit, stuff from an elephant. You can’t build a dinosaur because although there’s loads of fossils, the DNA is degraded over time and there’s no close relative still living. Other than in the metaphorical sense of ‘dinosaur’ and Westminster is full of them. But you need the real thing. So an elephant, 99% mammoth, is used and the other 1% tweaked for extra mammothness. Fantastic. Order one now!!

And as I read this I thought: why the fuck would you do that? To watch it die? After a particularly fruitless life (well, unless you count the 87 tons of fruit a day you’d have to feed it) of loneliness and having (literally) no mates, in any sense of the word. It would be an exhibit. A freak. Or it would be hunted by ivory poachers. Its nothing but a vanity project for the geezer in charge to show it can be done. At least the lab-rats died for a cause. Animals die to feed us; I have no issue with that either. But just to make one because you can?

Whereas the Dodo was, apparently, exceedingly tasty. Which is why it became extinct in the first place. Make me one’a them. Roasted with shallots and mushrooms.

SAVE THE MAMMOTH… or, rather, DON’T SAVE THE MAMMOTH… you know what I mean.

Happy Friday

A xxxx