Just the day before she was scheduled to appear with Oprah Winfrey, Meghan agreed to an interview with andysglasses.com as a special, exclusive (except for Oprah, obvs) online, zoom-skype type face-time gig with me. Because like her I represent an ethnic minority, but unlike Oprah, who arguably represents one too, I’m not worth 2 billion dollars. Barely worth 2 dollars. Like… $1.73 on a good day. And YOU, lucky readers, can share the full transcript of that earth-shattering, royalty-revolting, amaaaazing conversation. As if you were THERE!

Me. Hi Meghan, thanks for joining me.

Meg. How much did you say you were paying me?

Me. Errrr… hang, on… errrrr… kettles boiling, back in a sec!

Me. Sorry, so as we were saying; Do you like the Queen? Or think she’s a nasty, controlling, dictatorial autocrat mired in the values of an antiquated hierarchical system stuck in 1467?

Meg. Netflix are paying me and Harry 72 million dollars an hour, you said you’d match that.

Me. Yeah, course I will, no problemo, money’s good as in your bank. (HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIIIIIT!!!!)

Meg. Ok, cool. Well, the Queen is a lovely woman, really sweet and nice and offered me all the kindness and courtesy she extended to all the other servants at the Palace. Then she realised I was engaged to her grandson and it all went a bit Ku Klux Klan at that point.

Me. Are you implying racism???? From Her Majesty!?!?!?

Meg. Not overtly, obviously, but its hard to find an whiter establishment anywhere on the planet, so I shook their world a little with my arrival.

Me. Do you think being a really good looking babe helped disguise the total bitch you’re alleged to be? With the bullying, the ‘Princess Pushy’, with treating Harry like a lap-dog, dragging him away to a foreign land after splitting him up from his brother…

Meg. The ‘bitch’ thing is a media construction. I’m a pussycat. I do charity work, for fuck’s sake. Any empowered, beautiful woman represents a threat to the status quo and I’m just more empowered and beautiful than most. Life is not just about a few million in the bank a pair of tits. But that helps. A lot.

Me. What do you think of… Catherine!!!!

Meg. Who?

Me. Sister-in-law? Tall, thin thing? Married to Harry’s brother?

Meg. Oh her. She suffers from ‘mirror mirror, on the wall’ syndrome. Couldn’t handle the challenge. Poisoned Wills against Harry and me. She IS a bitch.

Me. Do you think Liverpool will ever win again at Anfield?

Meg. All managers go through ups and downs. Jurgen Klopp is a class act but obviously Manchester City have run away with the title already. But those other three top four slots will provide a fascinating end to the season. Did you make the payment yet? It doesn’t seem to have gone in.

And from there it all went a bit downhill, I have to admit.

A truly lovely woman given the roughest of rides by the gutter press. I think this totally illuminating piece will help the world understand who ‘the real Meghan’ is and how strong are her values and her bank account.

Happy Sunday

A xxxx