When you hear the word ‘Scotland’ what springs to mind? Haggis? Nicola Sturgeon? Kenny Dalgleish? Lochs? Salmon? Goalkeeping errors? Fried Mars Bars? Whisky?

Because being up here in the very very Highlands, the most northerly bit of mainland Scottishland, you get three things coming across very strongly. Bleak, Beautiful and sheep. You can drive here for an hour and see 2 other cars. If you see 3 its a ‘traffic jam’ in the eyes of locals and you start tutting about how the country’s going to shit. If you drive for an hour and only see 200 sheep you worry what you’re gonna have for dinner round here. Every restaurant (generally one situated every 63 miles) serves the much-hyped ‘local produce’ because they just have to. Its 100 miles to the nearest Tesco, Sainsbury or Asda and I’m not sure Waitrose even exists up here at all. But wow it is incredibly beautiful. Miles and miles of it.

We’re on what’s known as the North Coast 500. Not sure what the 500 refers to because its not 500 miles. Maybe 500 sheep. But its an established route around the top of mainland UK. And therefore about 500 miles (maybe that’s why?) from Westminster. Tonight’s stop is in Achiltibuie. So small it doesn’t even have a 2nd division football team. Its on a loch. Everywhere’s on a loch here, that’s how can tell you’re not in London. And the only way in is via 15 miles of single track mountain road which, if I’m honest, is a wonderful drive. Even in a Vauxhall Whatever that they gave me to play with. A Diesel Whatever at that. You use ‘passing spaces’ and they’re fun. Its like 15 miles of playing ‘chicken’ because every turn or hill may bring you new ‘friends’.

There’s no quick way to get here. Though the British Airways courier made good time today. With my bag that they’d forgotten to load onto my plane yesterday. I know, its not much compared to the total computer meltdown the other weekend, but when you’re in Gairloch, as we were this morning, and your hiking boots are in Heathrow and you have, quite literally, a mountain to climb, that ain’t good. Nothing like good. Million miles from good. Or at least 500. But they’re here now. So that’s the main thing

We even had some sunshine today, which was unexpected. A bonus. As was the hotel last night which had 300 different single malts on offer and 100 blends.

I love Scotland. Its like the complete opposite of London. Its totally empty and nothing ever happens that doesn’t involve fish. Or sheep. Its a tonic.

Happy Election Day

A xxxx