Do you remember the Lib-Dems? Liberal Democrat Party of England, Britain and Cleggland? They used to be a soggy, minor force in politics before they vanished up their own trouser-legs in a rage of indignation and boredom. They died in 2015 when Nick Clegg’s mum decided to vote UKIP and Vince Cable was murdered by his vicar who deemed the act ‘a humanitarian mission’. Can’t fault that logic.

In a feeble attempt to try and gain some support from somewhere, from anywhere, bloody ISIS would do, except they can’t vote here and have issues with democracy anyway, Clegg said he was prepared to allow the building of a new airport runway somewhere in the South East. Maybe knock down the Houses of Parliament and have one there. Certainly not at Heathrow. Heaven forbid that the most logical place to put another runway should be the place to have one. Just because its everyone’s airport of choice, its accessible for London and it generally works is no reason to make it the international hub it cries out to be. No. Put the runway in Gatwick, a mere 7 hours of misery, train delays or gridlock from anywhere approximating ‘London’. Or Stanstead. Loads of land round there. Because no-one wants to fucking be in Stanstead; its too far away. Maybe in the middle of Croatia, loads of space there. We could have ‘London-Zagreb’ airport. Makes as much sense as ‘London-Gatwick’. But its all to no avail because the rest of the Lib-Dems said emphatically that they will have nothing to do with any more runways and vetoed the idea altogether. Although as they have nothing much to do with the management of our country, it makes no difference either way really.

Their reasons for deciding against another runway (assuming they get into power, yes, very funny, or are sufficiently represented in the next parliament to even have some minor influence over events) is for Green reasons. Too much carbon. They won’t sanction more runways until planes become more energy efficient. Using dilethium crystals, presumably, like they did on the Starship Enterprise. “I cannae get mooore pooower, Captain”. Bloody lib-dems, they want everyone to drive a Prius and business leaders to row over the Atlantic on canoes. Tossers.

The London Wasps rugby team are moving. Again. Ok, they’ve moved quite a bit in the last 20 years, but always near enough to London to retain their status as a Capital club. But now they’ve agreed a move to a new ground. In Coventry. Coventry. Horrible East Midlands town of no redeeming qualities, famous for people not speaking to each other. The last person of any interest to come from that city was Lady Godiva. Ahhh but its good for the club, good for the financial stability, good for everyone. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FANS???? What about those who love Wasps and watch them play every match and wear their replica shirts and revere Lawrence Delaglio and don’t want to shlep a hundred sodding miles every weekend up the motorway? Never mind they’ll get new fans. Who ride naked to the ground on horseback then ignore each other for the entire game.

What a mess.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx