This week represents the most important, most serious, most spiritual and most… everything! week of the year. It is the week bounded by the Jewish New Year at one end and the Day of Atonement at the other. If we were catholics it would be ‘the week of deep shit’, but we do it a bit differently. However, do not assume that its any less serious because of that.

On the New Year, Rosh Hashannah, we add up all our sins, crimes, misdemeanours and any murders committed or cases pending. And we work out how we’ll improve that situation in the year coming. Basically summed up by the old testament words: ‘don’t get caught!!’ Then Yom Kippur arrives eight days later and we enter a spiritual plane with the angels; as opposed to being out there with the fairies, which is different, and atonement is forthcoming. Though not really ‘atonement’ so much as ‘intended improvement’. We’re always moving forward. Like sharks…

And this is a time for Jews to be with their God. Who is different from other Gods because his beard’s longer, he wears a black hat, tells jokes and is a Tottenham fan.

Hence this year becoming even more significant in importance than possibly any other year in the 5,800-odd year history of ‘our people’. Because tomorrow, on the special sabbath which comes between these two really big days, Spurs play Arsenal. It has a special name: Shabbas Oy Vey. And only happens when the lunar calendar and the solar calendars align with the World Cup in Qatar and the price of smoked salmon goes above £5 a quarter pound.

So tomorrow we all join in prayer. And we pray hard. And long. And even in extra time. And we don’t stop praying until that horrible fixture is over and done with and I’m either the happiest man in Christendom (nothing ironic there then) or I’ve thrown myself under a gefilte fish ball. Because buses are too hard and heavy, so this is a symbolic gesture to go with the time of year.

Have a wonderful Sabbath. But ONLY if you’re a Spurs fan.

A xxxx