It seems that every day I read in the papers how there’s not enough sex going on in the world. Odd that the world population is rising but maybe that’s some form of immaculate conceiving going on, or test tube babies being manufactured in China. Always China. Everything’s made there.

Twenty-somethings bemoan their lot. “I tried Tindr for a while and met a bunch of boring assholes, sex maniacs and axe murderers”. So they go on 17 other dating ‘apps’ and find the same thing. You hook up, have a boring, three hour dinner watching some ‘start-up’ nerd talking with his mouth full and with at least one eye on his phone the whole time and the sex is awful. Nothing like the porn you can watch for nothing and probably do whilst the nerd is tending his apps during desert.

Maybe there’s another way? Maybe you could, kind’a, speak to someone! Like, in a pub, bar, restaurant, workplace? Like, with words. Whilst looking at them, rather than at your phone? And that way, at least you can eliminate the boring ones, saving the three-hour, 50 quid dinner. You could spend the time more wisely, watching different porn. Or maybe, even, ‘reality porn’. Ok, its fairly soft-core, but out there, in the real world, there are breasts. Lots of them. Thighs. Legs. Muscles. Six packs. Fabulous bespectacled grey-haired old men. Whatever your fantasy might be.

There’s a lot to be said for technology and communication. But in a social context, most of it is pretty bad and bodes ill for the future of humanity. (No statement too profound for this dude.)

10 days til the football season starts. But who’s counting? And tonight West Ham play their first ever game at the (former) Olympic Stadium. Their new home. Opening tonight. The place they stole from the nation and then got the council to pay a ransom on top. They’re playing their Europa League qualifier against a Slovakian/Slovenian (who knows? who cares??) team no-one’s ever heard of. And they’re warning people to ‘allow lots of time’ and also ‘don’t plan on getting home early… or even tonight, possibly’. Because its all new. And along with the glam comes the glitches. The failures. The snagging. And although the Stadium wasn’t converted by Brazilians, there’s still loads that can go wrong. They’ve spent a fortune (probably stole that too) working on the queuing systems, at the ground, for Stratford Station, everywhere.

Just as well Spurs failed their bid for that stadium then. Spurs fans don’t queue well.

Happy Thursday,

A xxxx