I love the State of Israel. I know that’s not a very woke position to adopt, but I don’t fucking care. I’m here and I just love it. Call me an old Zionist, call me ‘a supporter of an apartheit state!!!’, call me Doris for all I care, I still love it. When people hear of ‘going to Israel on holiday’ they say ‘ooooh, is it safe there?’ The answer to which is, where the hell is ‘safe’? What; ‘safe’ like going to school in Texas safe? When you walk the streets here, day or night, you feel totally, completely safe and secure. Women walk alone at night, young kids too. And the fact that its a tiny nation surrounded by terrorists and enemies is offset by the felafel and hummus which are world-leading. You can’t have everything.

Israel is a ‘Jewish State’ but not in the way that ‘Iran is a Muslim State’. Israel is full of Jews but not ruled by biblical, Old Testament laws. It is secular in government and fiercely democratic. And is occupied by Jews, Muslims and Christians. There is no ‘apartheit’ in Israel. Only Gaza is ‘cut off’ because when its not terrorism activity increases by 90%.

But, like Sunday is the ‘day of rest’ in the UK, well, it was before the Premiership started, so Saturday is that for Israel. The Jewish sabbath. Shabbas. Where the observant can’t ‘work’. And defining work has always had issues. Going to work is work. I get that. Turning on a light is ‘work’, as is writing or pushing a buggy. Sitting in the dark trying to read is not ‘work’ then, just challenging. Carrying a child in arms isn’t work for the first 260 yards, then might feel particularly toilsome. Driving is ‘strictly’ forbidden as ‘causing a spark’ is classified as work so internal combustion, or obviously electric, engines are totally taking the piss, spark-wise.

That’s the religious interpretations. The seculars don’t give a shit and do what they want. So many shops and restaurants, praise the Lord, are open on Saturday. In contravention of religious laws, in the same way as buying a pint of milk from Waitrose on Sunday morning.

The religious do what they choose, the rest may choose to ignore.

Except lifts. Elevators. There’s a problem.

You’re in a ‘kosher’ hotel (which can only claim such if they do everything properly, its not just about buying the right meat). And you’re on the 12th floor. And its Saturday morning. So the lift won’t work. And you’re 80 years old, with a long beard and very heavy black coat and a big fur hat, even though its 85 degrees outside. And you’re knees ain’t so great. So those very clever men (I’m assuming they’re clever, they fucking study for about 19 hours a day, six days a week) came up with a wonderful loophole. It’s called a ‘Shabbas lift’. And it stops at every floor, going up, then coming down, and none of the buttons work. So you don’t have to press one and ‘make a spark’, which you can’t, because it is the Sabbath. And thus Old Rebbe Shlomo (beard, black coat, etc) can just step into an open door and be whisked upwards to his 12 floor room without pressing a button, causing a spark, doing nuffink. He won’t mind that the journey takes about 17 minutes. Brilliant.

So why can’t I go in a car on a Saturday? If someone else opened the door for me, drove the car, its the same process as standing in a lift which is using electricity, the world’s most sparky thing?

Shabbas lifts are a very minor inconvenience to the non-observant. But a seriously irritating concept in terms of the hypocrisy involved in re-writing certain laws for convenience. Just ignore them, like I do, or adhere. Don’t change the rules so you can break them legally. I wish more people here were religious, it would keep the beach quieter on Saturdays.

Happy Sabbath Day,

A xxxx

Sent from my iPad