Back in October we booked an event. Do you remember October? Ahhh, those heady days of… well, pretty much like July, less anxious than April, not as hot as May and the word ‘variant’, although part of our language, wasn’t repeated 67 times on every news broadcast. Tiers were what dyslexics cried. It was the time when ‘things were looking up’. We’d reached… somewhere or other where, whilst it wasn’t exactly great, it wasn’t the current bollocks-state either. We were between waves. Like a becalmed surfer.

So after a family meeting (in bed, Sunday morning, me and ‘her’, with the culture section of the paper) we booked to go to Kew Gardens for a ‘winter light spectacular’ or some such. So far into the unknown future that it had to be fine, surely.

It’s tonight. January 2nd. 2021 (in case you missed that bit). Us. Kew Gardens. Lights. Nice.

Until you consider the logistical nitty-gritty. Not going on the train. Too many variants and scumbags. Even variants from nice, bourgoise well-to-dos. Those variants are so strong you can catch them by just looking through a window. R-number: 22. In medical terms: ‘well R-ed’.

So we’ll drive. Solved. And then socially distance from the other 14,000 people all crammed into the entrance area, fighting to spend 15 quid on a paper cup of ‘gluhwein’ because its the only alcohol on sale and we are a nation (probably a whole fucking world) of alcoholics now. The sedative of the masses. Hmmmm…

I was having doubts. Me. The most covid-unbothered person in… my family. But I’m not immune to the constant warnings, the everyday scare tactics and the sheer numbers thrust at us every day. Big numbers. Massive numbers. Plus an article in today’s Times about… Kew Gardens light show. Covid shitstorm. No social distancing, crowds thronging (however that might be done), people… being in places, others… standing with, errr, with intent! It’s a horror show!

So we held another family meeting at which only two words were spoken:

Fuck dat!!

And we cancelled. And I hate myself for doing that because going out anywhere legal is something so rare, but… but… but…

At least Spurs are 2-nil up against Leeds.

Not quite as happy a Saturday as it might have been

A xxxx