We survived the pandemic. Well, anyone reading this did. Lots can’t read it, cos they died. Such is life. (Oh, the irony). But basically we survived. Collectively.

What happened yesterday didn’t directly kill anyone but probably had a greater effect on our lives. Not just because of the devastation to travel, hospitals, trains and doctors surgeries as well as many other small and very large businesses, shutting them down completely and irretrievably. But also because we now have something new and very all encompassing to worry about. Forever.

All that really happened was that a company called CrowdStrike implemented an upgrade on their security system which protects all the previously mentioned and many more. And the upgrade/patch/whatever you wish to call it, went wrong. Fatally. Catastrophically. Devastatingly wrong. And turned off systems. But not just ‘off’, but back to the dreaded ‘blue screen’ which means back to factory settings. Re-instal the ‘drivers’ which people like you and me don’t know nuffink about because your computers all come pre-installed with such things. And if there’s no drivers, there’s no data. There no connection to the macro systems which large companies use.

So when you turn up at Gatwick, south terminal, to check in for your flight to Majorca, they’ve never heard of you. When you go to the doctors because that pain in your heart which almost killed you last time seems to have returned, they can’t access your records, test results, blood information, scans, nuffink. And worst of all, when you go to Gails to buy a coffee and a cinnamon roll (the absolute ‘must have’, if you can afford one), you can’t have it cos you can’t pay. And Gails don’t take cash. Well, they didn’t til yesterday. So all those phone obsessives who refuse to carry any other medium with them for payment, for Id, for anything, went hungry. Or died at the doctors.

It didn’t affect me. My work system still worked perfectly and, more importantly, the credit card machine functioned normally. We really don’t care who people are, just what they’re paying. But anyway, I have ‘failsafes’ built into my system. I have two modems, secured links, anti-Russian technology, Chinese-fighting dongles and, most important of all, a stack of scrap paper and… a pen. The ultimate problem solver when the entire digital world collapses in a useless pile of gigabytes.

So next time you see me at work, with loads of post-it notes stuck on my computer screen, rather than taking the piss, I think you should bow in admiration for finding someone who is prepared for digital doomsday, which yesterday almost became.

And I ALWAYS carry cash. You never know when a good drug deal will come along.

Happy Saturday. Or, ‘happy next Tuesday’ if you’re one of the affected.

A xxxx