An amazing thing happened to me yesterday. I watched a sporting event on tv and came away at the end deliriously happy, thrilled to bits, excited with massive relief and feeling on top of the world, invincible and ready to invade Iran single-handedly.

The England France rugby match was always likely to be heated. At least for me; I hate the bloody French. (Please note, in the interests of not causing offence, there are exceptions to my blanket dismissal of an entire and populous nation, just not very many). And for my bestest, oldest mate, who ‘lives among them’, his life is miserable if England lose. Which, according to statistics and probably common sense, they were bound to do. The French have been rampant, dominant, colossal in European rugby of late, whereas England had lost their last 7 games.

All went to (devious, French) plan by half time, with the garlic-eaters having a slim lead. Then England took the lead. Then France took it back, with just 10 minutes left on the clock. And in the last minute, England scored a try. All Fin Smith had to do was convert the kick to win the match. How hard can it be? When you look like you’re 14 years old and are playing in front of 82,000 at Twickenham in your first ever England start? But the boy done good. He kept his cool. My heart raced to pre-surgical levels.

It felt so good to win a match. Such an unusual experience to end a sporting game not in tears of frustration, anger and despair. So I made a decision: I’m done with football. Finished with Spurs. It’s all over. Too depressing. Too annoying. Too… FUCKING EVERYTHING!!!!! And I’m not going to put myself through it every week. I mean, what do single or divorced Spurs fans do? They have no-one to take it out on. Must be awful. Anyway, we’re done, me and football. I’ve paid my dues over 60 bloody years and I simply can’t take it any more. WON’T take it any more.

Until 5.35 today. That’s a sufficient break, I think. From the rugby win last night to Spurs game at Villa today is almost a 24 hour ‘hiatus’. That should have cured me. I only hope it cured my fucking useless football team.

Happy/Desperate Sunday

A xxxx