Wayne Rooney is now, officially, the scorer of more goals for England than any other player. He overtook Bobby Charlton on Tuesday night and so ranks higher than Gary Linneker, than Alan Shearer, Jimmy Greaves, higher than anyone. Well done Sir Wayne (surely? No???)

Yet is he ‘a great’? Would you put him on a list with Pele and Maradona, with Platini and Klinsman, with Klose and Kleivert? Would you put him in the same category as Bobby Charlton, even?

Personally I wouldn’t. With none of the above. Because the main thing that elevates you from ‘a man who scores a few goals’ to ‘a great’ is whether I like you or not. Its that simple. Kicking a ball into a net alone is insufficient. Otherwise Robbie Keane would be a great. And I quite like Robbie. The man with more ‘teams supported as a kid’ than 47 normal kids combined.

David Beckham is on anyone’s list of greats. Has to be. He’s the nicest man in the world. And could still become the first man to be knighted whilst having more than 60% of his body covered in ink.

Beckham blasted onto the scene with that magnificently precocious half-way line goal against Wimbledon when he was 18. Rooney was merely 16 when he strolled onto the pitch for Everton as a substitute and scored a wondergoal against Arsenal from 40 yards. A magnificent introduction to the world. Which was then marred by ‘the stroppy years’. About 12 of them. When all you saw from Wayne, other than a few goals, was tantrums, aggression, headbutting tv cameras, spitting, swearing and red cards.

Now he’s calmed down somewhat. Adopted the captain’s armband for the national team. He’s trying. But a ‘great’? Not on my watch.

Two lawyers hook up on LinkedIn. 57 year-old Alex Carter-Silk sent a message to 27 year-old Charlotte Proudman saying her photo was ‘stunning!!!’ Like that, with three exclamation marks. He also actually mentioned that it was probably very un-politically correct to say so.

When Charlotte attacked him publicly as a misogynist and sexist using a professional site as some kind of dating agency (hmmmm, now that Ashley Madison has gone there is indeed a gap in the market there), and basically, that’s he’s a dirty old fucking letch.

He replied sheepishly (could there be any other way in the circumstances? after such a monumental ‘crash-and-burn’?) that he was referring only to the professionalism of the photography. Ahhh, that’s why there was all those exclamation marks then. But if that was the case, why make reference to political correctness? Even for ultra-aggressive uber-feminist right-on lefty barristers, commenting on photographic style can’t be un-pc.

Happy thursday, and watch what you say

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