Have you ever wondered about slugs? Those totally revolting little creatures, snails without shells, that slither in a trail of their own slime across paths in search of your bedding plants which they fucking ruin by eating themselves sick on them. This year has been a bumper year for slugs, for some reason, God moving in mysterious ways again. And in my summer-long study, I’ve concluded one thing: slugs must taste absolutely disgusting. Even for birds whose diet includes earthworms, beetles and other yuck, they don’t eat slugs. Nothing eats slugs. Not even Heston Blumenthal.

Yet they’re soft, always fucking fat (that’s MY bedding plants!!!) and you’d think a good meal for something or other, because they are totally defenceless. They have no shell, no hooks, no poison, no guns, nothing. They can’t fly, can’t walk and are so slow they couldn’t escape from a tortoise. Animals always have defence, but not slugs. Therefore, they must taste terrible. Worse than worms (I’ll ask Joey), yukkier than ants, termites, wasps and virtually everything else in the animal kingdom. Maybe they’re just tasteless? Need a little salt. Yeah, bit of a problem that one. But if your only defence is that people really don’t want to scrape you off the bottom of their shoe, that’s evolutionarily sound.

And on to Sally Rooney. Bit of a slug herself, really. The writer of ‘Normal People’ has just banned her latest book from being published in Hebrew. Because of ‘Israel’s treatment of the Palestinians’ and for the great and worthy ‘BDS’ bullshit. Is this just another example of a left-wing moron choosing to punish ‘the people’ to make some facile statement to ‘the government’? Or something more insidious. Because La Rooney is quite happy peddling her soft-core Irish porn to the Chinese who are currently engaged in ethnically cleansing their entire Uighur population, to the Saudis who have many human rights issues (including ownership of Newcastle United) and to any and every totally unacceptable regime in the world. But not Israel.

She’s either just another ignorant Marxist (self-proclaimed in fact, but doesn’t use the ‘ignorant’ on her cv), like Corbyn, just an inherent, hereditary anti-Semite, or she’s cynically done her sums and calculated that the loss of revenue from a small country is less than the gain of all the vast number of other Jew-haters who protest Israel’s ways whilst selectively ignoring atrocities everywhere else.

Well fuck Sally Rooney. I’m not translating my blog into Irish! That’ll show her.

Happy Friday

A xxxx